Tag Archives: racism

  Criming While White

Rand Paul: It’s ‘American’ To Be Rude Law-Breaker, As Long As You’re White

Funny strange, not funny ha ha
Were we not, just the other day, rolling our eyes at Sen. Rand Paul for explaining that Black Lives Matters is Taking A Stand all wrong, because those people are NOT fighting the system according to society’s rules of polite behavior, and also, wouldn’t it be so much better if they talked about other lives mattering, actually? Yes, we were! And we hear Black Lives Matters is so ON IT, and changing its name right now and promising to be real nice and only protest the system using tactics pre-approved by the senator. Read more on Rand Paul: It’s ‘American’ To Be Rude Law-Breaker, As Long As You’re White…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: This Is Clearly A Homo-Sexual Web-Page

Nothing classes up the joint like a top hat and monocle
Nothing classes up the joint like a top hat and monocle What a week! Our Deleted Comments queue fairly groans with vast loads of deleted idiocy, and yet, we find ourselves facing quite the conundrum: While we had enormous numbers of deleted comments, not many of them were really all that worth mocking — they were more tiresome than absurd. And yet, we will muddle through, somehow. At least our story on Ben Shapiro’s gay-panic meltdown in response to the horrific shootings in Virginia managed to elicit an eminently quotable comment from “WILLIAM H GATHERCOLE & NORAH G.” They appear to write comments as two people, and really want us to witness the power of their ALL-CAPS USERNAME. The joint Gathercole entity took issue with our highly unprofessional tone and parlance in the piece: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: This Is Clearly A Homo-Sexual Web-Page…
  That we know of

The Seven Best Times Jeb Bush Embarrassed His Mother This Week

Just Jeb!
Just Jeb! Oh, that Jeb Bush! He is literally THE WORST at running for president of America. It’s like his entire life, he’s been living in the shadow of his dad and his brother, and he’s just really tired of how every single time he walks in the front door of the Kennebunkport manse, his mother Barbara drops her polite demeanor, stands up on the dining room table and starts flapping her arms yelling “LOSER! LOSER! SHOULDA BEEN AN ABORTION!” And Jeb’s all like “NOT AGAIN MOM!” but she can’t hear him because she’s cracked herself up so hard she’s looking for an inhaler. Read more on The Seven Best Times Jeb Bush Embarrassed His Mother This Week…
  Acquitted Child Killer Says What?

George Zimmerman Opposes Racist Hate Crimes Now, Hooray!

He thinks good
He thinks good You have probably been wondering, ever since the horrible news broke yesterday, “Say! What does unemployable child-killer George Zimmerman think about the unspeakable killings of two young television journalists in Virginia? I am looking forward to his insights!” Happily, Mr. Zimmerman obliged a world that was waiting for his opinions on the matter, and took to the Tweetosphere, that we might all drink deeply of his wisdom. You will be astonished to learn that Mr. Zimmerman seems to have noticed that the murderer was black and also gay, which are really the only two facts that anyone needs to know. Oh, and also Barack Obama apparently approved of the murders, if he didn’t order them himself. Read more on George Zimmerman Opposes Racist Hate Crimes Now, Hooray!…
  The Gay Race War is real wait no it isn't

We Must Join With Ben Shapiro To Stop The Gays From Killing Again!

Oh look, it's the gays, taking away Ben Shapiro's freedom.
Oh look, it’s the gays, taking away Ben Shapiro’s freedom. Wednesday’s news was awful. Alison Parker and Adam Ward, a reporter and a cameraman with WDBJ-TV in Roanoke, Virginia, were murdered in cold blood, on television, for reasons we don’t fully know yet. The shooter, Vester Lee Flanagan, is dead now, by his own hand. We’ve already touched on how, for wingnuts without fully formed brains (looking directly at the men who suck Dead Breitbart’s corpse dick for a living, on the Breitbart website), the case is SOLVED, glory hallelujah, because the perp was black. Obviously, this is the beginning of the Race War. Obviously. Read more on We Must Join With Ben Shapiro To Stop The Gays From Killing Again!…
  If you could just not

Rand Paul Suggests Black Lives Matter Focus On Other Lives Instead

Who understands race better than these guys? Noted race expert Rand Paul chatted with fellow race expert Sean Hannity the other night, and the senator from Kentucky had some terrific advice for Black Lives Matter, for which its leaders will no doubt be sending him an Edible Arrangement to express their gratitude. Sure, the movement has recently released its own platform, called “Campaign Zero,” detailing 10 policy solutions, none of which are “cut taxes” or “more dads and better morals.” So clearly, they’re in need of Rand’s expertise. Tell ’em how they can best achieve their goals of combating police violence in their communities, Senator: Read more on Rand Paul Suggests Black Lives Matter Focus On Other Lives Instead…
  Making America Grate Again

Donald Trump Fanboy Can’t Believe Univision Anchor Even Allowed In White People’s America

That's one Ugly American there
So here’s a charming addendum to Tuesday night’s Donald Trump presser in Dubuque, Iowa, when the Human Flannel Moth deported Univision news anchor Jorge Ramos for being out of line. Once Ramos was out in the hallway, an as-yet unidentified Trump wannabee decided that it was time to give the veteran newsman a good talking-to. Not that the guy knew Ramos was a veteran newsman; all he could see was an uppity foreigner who needed to “go back to Univision.” Read more on Donald Trump Fanboy Can’t Believe Univision Anchor Even Allowed In White People’s America…
  How to understand the news when you are a racist

Virginia Journalist Killer Was Black Man, And Wingnuts Are ON IT

The victims were white, and the suspect was black, so … race war, obviously By now, you’ve heard the gruesome news, unless you work at a bar and you’re just now getting up. A disgruntled former employee of WDBJ-TV in Roanoke allegedly carried out a plan to murder two of his former colleagues, Alison Parker and Adam Ward, on camera as Parker was doing a fluff interview about tourism. Suspected gunman, Vester Lee Flanagan II (or Bryce Williams, when he was on camera), posted his crimes on social media, and then he shot himself. He’s reportedly in critical condition. [NOTE: Police report he died at around 1:30 PM ET.] Read more on Virginia Journalist Killer Was Black Man, And Wingnuts Are ON IT…
  Throwing up all over ourselves now

Bill Cosby Knows Media Only Calls Him A Rapist Because He’s Black, Also A Rapist

Our thoughts exactly
He’s tired of racists telling him to pull his pants up It has come to this. After 50 women — that’s right, five-ohhhhh — have accused Bill Cosby of sexual assault and rape, Team Cosby has decided it is time for a whole new approach to defending The Cos in the court of public opinion: Read more on Bill Cosby Knows Media Only Calls Him A Rapist Because He’s Black, Also A Rapist…
  The Customer Is Always White

Lowe’s Hardware Sorry For Offering Segregated Delivery Service, All Fixed Now

He seems nice. She does not.
A Lowe’s department store in Danville, Virginia, was perhaps just a little too eager to please a customer who demanded that a black delivery driver stay away from her home, as some idiot at the store actually sent the truck back with a white crew so she could get her precious order of whatever the hell it was she bought. Thank goodness racism is over (except for Obama), or this might be an example of it. Look, here’s video from WSET in Lynchburg: Read more on Lowe’s Hardware Sorry For Offering Segregated Delivery Service, All Fixed Now…
  This is not goddamned racial transcendence

Scott Walker Wishes Blacks Would Be Nicer About All This Racism Stuff

nope
Racial transcendence, how does IT work? Republican candidate and Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker attempted to explain it while campaigning in Spartanburg, South Carolina, but he is a Republican, so he did a real bad job. You see, according to Walker, we’re never going to have racial unity if we acknowledge that racial discord exists, and also, it would be nice if blacks would just be sweet and nice and forgiving when their folks get murdered, like they did in Charleston. Unlike those mean Ferguson people, who are probably playing the race card and reverse-racisting America right now. Did Walker say those exact words? Oh heavens no, but yr Wonkette is a very good Wingnut-To-English translator. Here is what exactly he said: Read more on Scott Walker Wishes Blacks Would Be Nicer About All This Racism Stuff…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments: Why Is Wonkette So Unfair To White Supremacists?

Does it violate Godwin's Law when you're talking about neo-Nazis?
Yr Wonkette was treated to a “raid” by some sad keyboard neo-nazis this week, because they objected to our disparagement of their new war-word, “Cuckservative” — that is, a conservative who’s been cuckolded by dangerous liberal tendencies like not being a white supremacist. They didn’t try anything quite so ambitious as a denial of service attack on our servers; rather, a bunch of wingnuts from a white-power blog’s comments invited themselves over to post comments on our article so they could set us dumb liberals straight. And thus they would win the Internet! Read more on Deleted Comments: Why Is Wonkette So Unfair To White Supremacists?…
  Bwana He No Smart

Ted Nugent: What About Lion-On-Lion Crime?

Dr. Nugent Fills his Pants for the First Time, 1860
Oh, thank goodness, Ted Nugent has finally seen fit to weigh in on that dentist who killed that lion. We’d been hoping the great white skidmarked hunter would have some insights on the matter, and he came through in a big way, explaining that people who are outraged by a little bit of illegal big-game hunting are pretty much all Nazis because really, who isn’t a Nazi these days? Read more on Ted Nugent: What About Lion-On-Lion Crime?…
  Look! Rhetoric!

Wingnuts Invent Fun New Way To Slur Each Other, Hooray!

There might be some racist implications to this term. But only pussies care about racism
Heya Wonkers! We would like to have words with you. Or rather, a word with you. And that word is “cuckservative,” which is the hot new catchphrase of Summer 2015. Expect to start seeing it everywhere soon, and also to be completely fucking sick of it by September. What exactly cuckservative means depends on who you ask, but the one thing that everyone agrees on is that it’s a portmanteau of “cuckolded” and, duh, “conservative,” and that it started being flung gleefully around the Twitter machine about a month ago, mostly but not exclusively by supporters and fans of Donald Trump. And it’s used by True Manly Conservatives to mock Republicans who have let themselves be co-opted by the Establishment, which is hopelessly tainted by feminized liberalism. Also, depending on who’s using it, it may be — probably is — proudly affiliated with racism and nativism. Or as Joan Walsh explains in Salon: Read more on Wingnuts Invent Fun New Way To Slur Each Other, Hooray!…
  But What About The Purple People?

White People Upset At White People For Being Mean To Blacks, Guess It’s Serious Now

No, but the little booger has made some unbelievable gaffes
So you know how polls about race always seem to show that black people think racism is still a thing, while white people mostly perceive it as something from the Olden Times, like way back before “Good Times,” even? Here’s a bit of a surprise, maybe! A new Gallup Poll finds that, in the weird language of polling, “Americans’ satisfaction with the way blacks are treated has declined to a new low in Gallup’s 15-year trend, now at 49%. This is a sharp drop from two years ago, when 62% were satisfied.” That’s a pretty weird question to start with — “How satisfied are you with how blacks are treated in U.S. society?” — but the results do actually seem to indicate that even white people are sort of vaguely aware that things may not be all that great. Obviously, this is Obama’s fault, or an indication that politically-correct media and college teachers and videos of black people getting beaten up and shot by cops have distorted reality. (There Fox News, we wrote your lede for you). Read more on White People Upset At White People For Being Mean To Blacks, Guess It’s Serious Now…
  Beware! Take Care! Beware!

‘Priests For Life’ Says We’re Gonna Be All Eated Up By Racist Pervert Sex Dragon Thing

They do Photoshop good!
So here’s a nifty explanation of why America is in so much trouble these days: Our Once-Great Nation is under attack by a three-headed sex dragon that is also a racist, according to “Priests For Life,” a radical Catholic anti-abortion group whose top spokeslady is Martin Luther King’s embarrassing niece Alveda King. And the group has this simple graphic, employing a picture swiped from a videogame to explain the unholy trinity of affronts to God’s commandment that we all go and make as many babies as possible, but only in straight Christian marriages, of course. Read more on ‘Priests For Life’ Says We’re Gonna Be All Eated Up By Racist Pervert Sex Dragon Thing…