Wonkette

• EVERYTHING ON EARTH IS ABOUT RACE: Wonkette boring luncheons operative “Beth” sends us this secret dispatch: “I just got back from a luncheon for Washington Gov. Chris Gregoire, headlined by Michelle Obama. Michelle said that her favorite chocolate in the world is Fran’s Chocolates — she said she and Barack fight over them, and hide them from each other. Then she said, ‘He likes the light chocolate, I prefer the dark chocolate.’ We all laughed, then thought, ‘Wait a minute…’” We assume the long awkward silence broke when some white reporter randomly shouted, “that Christopher Rock is the finest jokesmith I’ve seen — of either race! — since, golly, I don’t know when.”

Ralph Nader decided to open his trap about Barack Obama on Monday in an interview with the Rocky Mountain News, AND: “There’s only one thing different about Barack Obama when it comes to being a Democratic presidential candidate. He’s half African-American. Whether that will make any difference, I don’t know. I haven’t heard him have a strong crackdown on economic exploitation in the ghettos. Payday loans, predatory lending, asbestos, lead. What’s keeping him from doing that? Is it because he wants to talk white?” Indeed, why can’t Wonder Bread Obama over here find himself a damn niche already? [Rocky Mountain News]

Here’s a new RNC ad that scans over Obama’s pithy resume, as any good potential employer would. While Obama claims he went to Chicago as a “community organizer,” the RNC takes away the Liberal Spin and rightly lists the job as “street organizer,” which is a euphemism for “HE’S FUCKING BLACK, PEOPLE! YOU’RE VOTING FOR A FUCKING BLACK MAN! CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT? BLACK BLACK BLACK! RAP! A NATION RUN BY A BLACK, IN THE STREETS! RIOTS! BLACK!” [YouTube]

Here is nutball Harriet Christian, the “older white woman” and New Yorker famous for ranting on the Internet about how the DNC is giving its nomination to an “inadequate black man.” She tells Fox News icon Neil Cavuto that Obama’s victory is illegitimate because “99% of the blacks don’t even know why they’re voting for him.” Touché! [YouTube]

Here’s your favorite Gallup daily tracking poll, which now shows Obama’s largest lead ever of 16 percentage points. Jesus, did a huge wave of black voters (his only constituency) register to vote in the last day or something? [Gallup]

“Undecided voter Wanda Gibson is less than excited about both Clinton and Obama, but she actually fears Obama, because he’s black.” [YouTube]

No matter who the Democrats nominate for the Presidency this fall, the candidate’s sure to be a slam dunk — because as much as they hate women and black people, most American citizens would rather chew off their own arms than elect a person over the age of 70. Thus John McCain will surrender to noble Defeat in November, the victim of a cruel public that hates him for his physical frailty and weak mind. MORE »

That is the only plausible explanation for this fantastical bilge: “And, mirabile dictu, a perfectly postmodern embodiment of compromise between the hard binaries of race and age. He’s both white and black. Born on the very cusp of the baby boom and Generation X, he’s both oldish and youngish. And as a skinny, athletic, gentle-seeming, virtually metrosexual man, he nearly splits the difference on gender as well.” [New York Magazine]

Jeremiah Wright’s press conference before the National Press Club this morning got the blogosphere in a bundle today, because someone decided it has to matter. Here’s the current View Of Wright: Obviously he’s very upset that the Main Stream Media has been SMEARING him, who wouldn’t, and he’s defending his statements pretty strongly (”It is not an attack on Jeremiah Wright — it’s an attack on the black church,” he says.) And he reiterated what he told Bill Moyers in their teevee interview about Barack Obama: “He had to distance himself because he’s a politician,” Wright said. He’s blowing open the racial politics that Obama wants to close and claiming that Obama is insincere when he rejects Wright’s “extreme sermons”; he’s trying to balance a deserved self-defense with the collateral damage that that brings on Obama. He has an ego. Most importantly, he’s just some old preacher and not Obama’s surrogate father. He can say whatever he wants and Barry will just have to deal with it. Individual people have a right to defend themselves, and politicians have a right to disown them. That’s all, goodnight. [AP]

Not only will Hillary Clinton throw back a beer and a bump with impoverished, toothless old white men living in forgotten Rust Belt towns, she will actually become a toothless old white man IF THAT IS WHAT IT TAKES TO WIN. (Thank you reader “Dave” for sharing this terrible image with us.) [Google News] MORE »