In a stunning display of Republican racism, a band of devilish raccoons has invaded the White House grounds with a list of immediate demands, including War in Iran. If bitten by a raccoon, Barack Obama could suffer what Beltway Insiders are calling his most devastating setback in what has already been a catastrophic presidency: rabies. MORE »

Barney, currently the only black male in the White House, is extremely pissed off since hearing he’ll soon be deported to Texas so that a black human can be the president while some common mutt street dog will become the nation’s new First Pet. So Barney just cold bit this douche Reuters reporter, who had it coming for a long, long time. [YouTube/Raw Story]