HATS OFF to esteemed thing Parade for this sexy clip art collage of a mall Santa preparing to bone claymation Rudolph who is stepping on Bill O’Reilly as black people do their black African holiday whatevers in the background. The Jew Cookies see it all. This masterpiece, folks, accompanies “Bill O’Reilly’s Great American Holiday Quiz,” because suddenly you’re NOT ALLOWED to say “Merry Christmas” anymore, in America, because of the Prop 8 protesters. MORE »

If you’re a former ballet dancer with a hot temper and nine and a half fingers, you’re probably glad to see that this Rahm Emanuel fellow came along. If he can make it, so can you! Emanuel also has two brothers, Zeke and Ari, with whom you might have more in common than you might think. Take Wonkette’s Official Emanuel Brother Diagnostic Personality Test and find out! MORE »

The MSNBC television channel is home to numerous liberal windbag children like Keith Olbermann, the important sports highlight show reporter who gets very grave and solemn while discussing people who exploit 9/11 in a tacky, self-promoting fashion, which ironically is what he’s doing in the process. And so Keith must be upset today with his network’s website, MSNBC.com, which actually has a live feature called “Know 9/11? Take a tougher-than-usual quiz.” We’re not sure when all of these “usual” 9/11 quizzes took place, but we agree that this one is tougher. We got a 40% and will now go to Gitmo. DHS agents are picking us up any moment now. Oh no they’re breaking down the door! Well, everyone, it’s been a pleasu

The CIA, apparently eager to recruit 16-year-old girls, has a brand-new personality quiz on their website. It will kill all of two minutes of work today, so check it out! The AP reports that it will use your answers to inane, non-CIA-related questions (most of them having vague connection to glamorous spy movies, but seemingly as written by a committee of people generally unfamiliar with spy movies) and classify you into one of the following groupings: “daring thrill-seekers, thoughtful observers, curious adventurers, innovative pioneers or impressive masterminds.” MORE »