How did you spend the Fourth of July? Maybe having a BBQ with friends and family, watching a fireworks show, and generally enjoying a happy patriotic holiday? Batshit-insane American Quitter Sarah Palin ended her own special “Independence Day” by posting a series of desperate grammar-challenged nonsense and vicious threats on her Facebook and Twitter pages. Really. MORE »

Nutty Palin spokeslady Meg Stapleton was in New York when Nutty Palin suddenly resigned as governor of Alaska, the state that elected her as governor two-and-a-half years ago. Listen to Meg make NO SENSE as a baffled Anderson Cooper asks her again and again, “Lady why are you talking about basketball, and how does quitting equal leadership, and I don’t know who the hoop is, and who the ball is.” Cooper’s expressions around 4:40 are priceless. [CNN/YouTube]

First of all, Sarah Palin, go to HELL for ruining your editor’s day of patriotic rest and BBQ. Second, why did you really quit, crazy lady? We admit to “jumping to conclusions” (trying to hurry up and get back outside to our cocktails and friends), but the story may be more complicated than “Sarah Palin is a sociopath who will just quit being governor of Alaska THREE-AND-A-HALF YEARS before the next presidential election, just to show her, uhm, Leadership Credentials, which means constantly yelling at David Letterman about a joke she couldn’t comprehend.” But there are so many more crazy theories about America’s craziest Alaskan Anger Bear, the snowbilly grifter and strip-mall Ice Queen of Wasilla. Let’s examine them, together! MORE »

Man, we kinda liked this guy! He was (is?) dating that pretty gal from the Clinton campaign, and he recently dared to say something not entirely positive about Jon Stewart, and hell, he is not Michael Bloomberg, all of which made him a refreshingly human-seeming type to run for New York Mayor. But he will not do this thing, for several reasons. MORE »

Not too long ago, some of the most coveted jobs in Washington lay in the Republican National Committee. Its employees went to work at noon, were fed peeled grapes by strapping young men in American flag-themed loincloths, dined on baby whale-steaks with the world’s most creative and decadent war criminals, and then rode home on gold-plated dildos at 4pm sharp. But now under the leadership of Michael Steele, RNC gigs gotten so depressing that long-time employees are leaving. MORE »

• NORM COLEMAN’S LAWYER IS ‘DONE,’ SOMEHOW: Joe Friedberg, Norm Coleman’s recount attorney, tells Hotline, “Yes, I’m done,” after being asked if he is “done.” It is not clear whether this means he’s quitting, but it does mean that maybe someday, in 2025 or something, Norm Coleman’s legal challenges to his lost 2008 election will be over. [Hotline]

• DASCHLE OUT: Dang. The NYT editorial board must have some real pull. [Roll Call]

CAROLINE KENNEDY DROPS SENATE QUEST! Guess who won’t be your new appointed senator from New York? Caroline Kennedy, the famous royalty who was supposed to get Hillary’s old gig! That’s what the New York Post says, in a BREAKING news story bulletin alert. Ha, Drudge doesn’t even have this, yet. We need a replacement for the Drudge Siren, in this post-Drudge era. [NEW YORK POST]

Forgotten Florida Republican Senator Mel Martinez announced his retirement today, two years early, and nobody really cares. Martinez is a Cuban alien who somehow got to Florida and became mayor of some town, in Florida, so George Bush Junior made him the HUD secretary, so Martinez caused the housing collapse probably, and then he ran for the Senate and won, we guess, because he’s a senator now, but only for two more years. MORE »

Christopher Buckley, the terrorist appeaser liberal betrayer and soiler of the legacy of the last conservative intellectual on earth, William F. Buckley, went on Chris Matthews’ show last night and chuckled about how a bunch of mouth-breathing rubes who read National Review hate him now. He calls himself a “hack novelist,” which is a little unfair; he just needs to remember that novelists shouldn’t publish their first drafts. [MSNBC]

Remember how John McCain used to want to lose elections to, uh, whatever that was? Lose elections to win elections? Anyway, this week’s suspension of his campaign is happening in Michigan. Team McCain is closing up shop, pulling the teevee ads, ending the mailers, canceling all events, the end. MORE »