Wonkette

CANDY CROWLEY MADE A FUNNY: Wonkette operative Robert Platt informs us that CNN’s Candy Crowley says Obama’s mission is to “suck off enough delegates.” A grueling end to a grueling campaign season, indeed.

JOHN MCCAIN, HELLCAT OF LOVE: Did you know that the senator from the sultry state of Arizona has a saucy temper and is “rough in the sandbox”? Now you do! [Washington Post] MORE »

*THIS SOMEHOW GOT A DRUDGE SIREN, WE HAVE TO WRITE ABOUT IT:* There’s an update to Josh Fruhlinger’s post on Wesley Snipes and his interesting tax philosophy: the vampire actor was found guilty of three misdemeanors by a U.S. court for failing to file tax returns for three years. He could face up to three years in prison. Again: Wesley Snipes, potential Democratic candidate for president in 2012, could face up to three years in prison. [Reuters]

*MAKE YOUR WONKETTE FEEL PRETTY:* Ruh roh, voting for the 2008 Weblog Awards, commonly called the “Bloggies,” ends tonight at 10 p.m. EST. Your favorite Wonkette, which Google News categorizes as satire, earned a nomination for Best Weblog About Politics. If this is confusing to our readers, reconsider the wording of “About Politics,” and in some rare foreign cults we might be considered the “Best” at this. Go vote hooray! [2008 Bloggies]

*BURBANK TO BE NUKED, THEN BOMBED:* John McCain will appear on the Jay Leno show tonight alongside the loser who endorsed him, Rudy Giuliani. Will Jay Leno keep a gun under his desk, just in case these two declare a War on Jay Leno for being an Islamic Muslim? [CNN]

*LEARNING TO DEAL:* America’s most important Republican, Rush Limbaugh, delivered a “non-concession” speech to John McCain today. He admits WALNUTS! looks solid for the nomination, and then he whines: “All the candidates on our side, for various reasons, are uninspiring or worse and so just as I predicted the base has fractured.” In other words, the party avoided my advice, but I’m not irrelevant because I predicted they would avoid my advice. Shamnesty? Remember, guys? [Latest Politics]

*THIS CAN’T BE THE FIRST TIME:* Bill Clinton’s meanness got you down? Well here’s something neat: some random blogger spotted “two big poops” on the DC Metro today. [Jesus Saves, I Spend via Free Ride]

*WAR IS HELL:* The Clintons’ “March to the Sea” continues today as she burns all defeated culinary union employees in Vegas. [CNN]

It seems the young princes at Choate Rosemary Hall, the famous Connecticut preparatory school that JFK attended, have their panties in a twirl over the school’s selection of commencement speaker: Karl Rove. As one student says, “It’s just that it’s not his place to be the one who shepherds us into the world.” Since all of these kids will be running the world in a few years, shouldn’t they be looking forward to the networking possibilities at stake? High school kids are the worst when they pretend to have political opinions, even if they just hate Karl Rove. [AP/Breitbart]

*OUR BELOVED DISTRICT EMPLOYEES:* “Forty-one District workers have been fired or suspended after visiting pornographic websites on government computers.” Oops! Sorry if we had any role to play in this. [WTOP News]

*NOW THE NEW YORKERS ARE ENDORSING TOO:* Super Duper Mondo Fab Tuesday comes February 5, so it’s time for the big states to start ushering out those endorsements. The New York Observer, a lovely “other option” for New Yorkers, has endorsed Barack Obama. Even though Hillary was born and raised in Yankee Stadium! They say “Barack Obama of Illinois is the future,” which kind of makes me feel pathetic. [NY Observer]