Jesus, this clown. Our favorite sexually-harassing lover of women and Hawaiian pizza, Democratic Ohio Attorney General Marc Dann, resigned yesterday after the Democratic legislature introduced nine counts of impeachment. Quitter. [New York Times]

“Hobnobbing with crooks!” This debate will happen in Kentucky, at the cable access station behind the moonshine mill, moderated by John Edwards disguised as Charlie Gibson. Also, this is from the highly anticipated new “Brokeback Batman” movie, the end. [YouTube]

Libertarian presidential candidate Bob Barr, a white landowning male, looks exactly like Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Barack Obama’s black Muslim pastor. Why won’t Bob Barr denounce his unpatriotic phenotype? [Slate/Trailhead]

Wonkette Search Engine Optimization Operative Plato-to-Nato sends us a screen grab from this morning’s Washington Post. You’re welcome.

Here is Barack Obama playing pool last night, before a Bitter Shadow crosses his face and turns him into some serial killer monster thing from Muslim Hell. He is a terribly evil man, and he is coming for you. [Getty Photo]

Here is a map someone at Daily Kos made, and it’s not even terrifying. OK, it is obviously terrifying in several ways. It is color-coded by votes in each county — blue for Barry, red for Hillary, green for that white guy who was running like 90 years ago. Florida, appropriately, looks like a barfy member. [Daily Kos]

“Undecided voter Wanda Gibson is less than excited about both Clinton and Obama, but she actually fears Obama, because he’s black.” [YouTube]

Here’s a nice drawing by the White House “Dean of Correspondents,” Helen Thomas, that you can buy for three figures on eBay. Or you can, you know, do anything else. But all of the money will be donated to sick people with… neurofibromatosis! So just buy it, now. [eBay]

Here is a nice image of Barry Obama playing half-naked in a filthy industrial river with his pet unicorn, Mr. Pantsy, and shooting Bitter Roses out of his wide-angle crotch. Lucas Ketner’s terrifying painting accompanies a Barry endorsement from Oregon’s Willamette Week, which is actually edited by Mr. Pantsy. [Willamette Week via Slog]

We forgot, do we like Michael Bloomberg or not? What’s the line on this guy, now that he’s not annoyingly running for president anymore? Although he’s no Bill O’Reilly, Bloomberg certainly has his pet peeves, the biggest of which is the world “maintain.” That word does not transcend race, at all. [YouTube via NY Observer]

Beth Allen, the wife of homosexual former Florida state Rep. “Twenty Dollar” Bob Allen, will not be deterred from Achieving! She is running for Brevard County Elections Supervisor, because someone’s gotta make a damn living in that household. Surely that county will have voting problems in the upcoming presidential election, and it will be gay Bob Allen’s family that has to decide the president. Barack can’t lose! [Orlando Sentinel]