Tag Archives: queen elizabeth

  Here have some news n stuff

Republican Senator So Sick Of Everyone Saying Obamacare’s Doing Just GREAT, Actually

He laughs at their pain
It sure sucks having to hear about how President Obama’s dumb health care reform is doing swell, actually, huh? It’s covering more people than expected, it’s cheaper than expected, it’s saving the country more money than expected — and as long as you don’t tell people what it is (it is health care reform brought to you by a black president, shhhhhhhhhh), people actually quite like it! But don’t say that to Wyoming Sen. John Barrasso, because he doesn’t want to hear another word about it: Read more on Republican Senator So Sick Of Everyone Saying Obamacare’s Doing Just GREAT, Actually…
  it ain't a soup

INPEACH! Obama Chewed Gum At D-Day Ceremony, Wingnuts Outraged

We sure do miss our Newsmax feed, because we almost missed this important Poutrage Update: Barack Obama, the alleged Leader of the Free World, insulted the memory of all the hallowed dead of the Normandy Invasion on Friday when he was seen chewing gum during the commemorative ceremonies. Even worser, the walking nicotine-addicted shamebucket that is our putative President also insulted our British allies by openly masticating in public while applauding the arrival of Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II. It is not known whether any corgis were also insulted in the incident. Read more on INPEACH! Obama Chewed Gum At D-Day Ceremony, Wingnuts Outraged…
  a wonket debunking

No, Pope Not Actually Indicted For Child Trafficking, Crimes Against Humanity, Or Fishing Without A License

Those of you with excitable friends who are prone to forwarding stuff from the interwebs may want to keep this handy for debunking purposes: No, actually, Pope Francis hasn’t been charged with child trafficking by an international court. (And neither was Queen Elizabeth.) This completely serious claim apparently was considered reliable enough by some of Yr Editrix’s Facebook pals — specifically, her “DRONE OBAMAA WAR CRIMER” correspondents — that they did link it all over the place, which suggests that a lot of people are more credulous than we’d like to believe or that Yr. Editrix needs to be choosier about accepting friend requests. But according to the breathless story at conspiracy clearinghouse Examiner.com, Pope Francis was named as the chief defendant in a child trafficking case involving Catholic orphans. Pope Francis will be asked to defend his role in child trafficking during Argentine’s 1970s Junta Dirty War. This case of orphaned children from missing political prisoners was set for trial on March 31 2014 in a Brussels international court. Well, hey, Brussels is where they have both the EU headquarters and immediate access to punishment by sprouts, so that seems credible enough. Read more on No, Pope Not Actually Indicted For Child Trafficking, Crimes Against Humanity, Or Fishing Without A License…
  pecan our curiosity

On Her Majesty’s Secret Snack Bowl: Police Were Ordered To Leave Elizabeth’s Nuts Untouched

Here’s a weird little tidbit that’s emerged from the phone hacking trial for executives from Rupert Murdoch’s News of the World tabloid: For reasons not made the least bit clear in this BBC story, on Thursday, the jury was read emails from an NoW editor about suspicious nut-related goings-on at Buckingham Palace. Specifically, Queen Elizabeth was “irritated” by police officers taking nuts from bowls left around the palace for the Queen to nibble on: According to an email sent by Clive Goodman, ex-royal editor at the News of the World, she was “upset” by it. The journalist added that a memo was sent to palace officers, telling them to “keep their sticky fingers out”. Does the BBC provide any context at all for this tale of royal nut-cadging? None at all! In fact, the news of the edict to lay off Her Majesty’s royal nuts is interspersed with information about one of the defendants being declared unfit to stand trial. Which in some ways makes it all the more mysterious and wonderful. Read more on On Her Majesty’s Secret Snack Bowl: Police Were Ordered To Leave Elizabeth’s Nuts Untouched…
  how is royal babby formed?

A Weary America Rejoices, For A Royal Baby Is Born Unto Us

The world literally came to a stop this afternoon, ceasing to rotate on its axis as the entire universe and multiverses came to a breathless standstill to await the birth of the GREATEST ROYAL BABY IN INTERNET HISTORY. With a fanfare of trumpets and in labor pangs of ethereal beauty, America’s Princess, Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge and Duke of Earl, brought forth a son, expected to be named, in the royal tradition, Two Dogs Fucking. Read more on A Weary America Rejoices, For A Royal Baby Is Born Unto Us…
  braintrusts

Free Republic Geniuses Would Like To Be Part Of England Again, To Escape Socialism

Oh look, some super-brilliant science nerd at the Free Republic has written an Open Letter to the Queen of Englande! It is full of incontrovertible facts, like how we must rejoin the British Empire, because Barack Obama is socialist. But wait! you are shouting at yourself, while scratching your belly, isn’t the United Kingdom sort of the place that invented “socialist”? Shut up, that’s why! Behold the wit and waggishness, after the jump! Read more on Free Republic Geniuses Would Like To Be Part Of England Again, To Escape Socialism…
  also a kenyan

British Lizard Queen Celebrates 60 Earth Years of Oppression

Is everyone super excited about the “Diamond Jubilee” of America’s queen of hearts, Elizabeth II? They should be, after her exciting performance at yesterday’s American football spectacular “half time.” Here is the well-known story we all recite to ourselves each night before flogging our own flesh with a thorny wooden portrait of Our Queen: Sixty years ago in a Kenyan treehouse, the reptilian beast-demon known as Princess Elizabeth took part in a loathsome ritual involving swords and cups and other such things. “Liz” — short for “Lizard” — had spent the previous day drunk with a prince-ling, surrounded by herds of bewitched elephants. This is literally what happened, when she became our Queen Mum. Read more on British Lizard Queen Celebrates 60 Earth Years of Oppression…
  it's morning in america

Proto-Bristol Palin: Schwarzenegger Fathered Kid With ‘the Help’

Ten years ago, the Culture of Life was going strong. How do we know this? Arnold Schwarzenegger got one of his maids pregnant a decade ago, and she went through with it, having the kid and pretending her husband was the father. Yay! We’re so happy for that maid! Wasn’t it great that she Chose Life? She will now get to team up with Bristol Palin (assuming she’s not one of those Messicans and can speak English or whatever it is those Palins communicate in) and parade the kid across the country as it TERMINATES teen abortion with all the strength of a grandchild of a Nazi. None of those Kennedy broads-on-the-side ever had a baby, right? That’s how you know Arnold is a Republican. And all of this is why his wife left him. [LAT] Read more on Proto-Bristol Palin: Schwarzenegger Fathered Kid With ‘the Help’… Read more on Proto-Bristol Palin: Schwarzenegger Fathered Kid With ‘the Help’…
  no future

New Aussie PM Eagerly Awaits Queen Elizabeth’s Death

Did you know that Australia, the America of the Antiopdes, still squirms under the brutal heel of Elizabeth of Windsor? It is true! The Aussies came close to throwing off her yoke a decade ago, but she used her lizard-person mind powers on them somehow and they slavishly voted to keep sending her forty tons of the nation’s best uranium and its twelve most comely virgins every year. But now Australia has a lady PM who is impervious to the Queen’s mind tricks and perhaps dreams of being ruler herself! Too bad she will lose the election Saturday, maybe. Read more on New Aussie PM Eagerly Awaits Queen Elizabeth’s Death…
  she ain't no human being

Elizabeth Windsor Returns To Scene Of Her 9/11 Crimes

Nobody educated denies that the 9/11 attacks were planned at the highest levels at Buckingham Palace. It’s well-known that the Teutonic clan that has run the once-great British nation ever since the bloodless coup of the “Hanoverian Succession” (with the Aryan bloodline reinforced by Queen Victoria’s marriage to a Germanic princeling) will stop at nothing to crush all enemies in its path, and if that means perpetrating murder and mayhem in a great city of a supposed ally, then so be it. The results — Western influence reinforced in former British colony Iraq, and Britain’s greatest defeat avenged in Afghanistan — no doubt caused sinister cackling throughout the whole rotten Saxe-Coburg-Gotha-Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg dynasty. But who would have thought that Elizabeth Windsor, the head of this pack of murderers, would have the nerve to show up at Ground Zero, to gloat? Read more on Elizabeth Windsor Returns To Scene Of Her 9/11 Crimes…
  larouchite day at wonkette!

LaRouchite Dem Candidate ‘Ke$ha’ Has Some Awesome Ideas Re: Space Colonies, Impeachment

Texas’ 22nd district gave America its greatest statesman, Tom DeLay, and then seven glorious weeks of Shelly Dracula Cunt, but since then its representatives have been a little on the dull side. How are we going to fix this? Local Democrats are doing their part; they nominated a lady who is a Lyndon LaRouche devotee, and who wants to colonize Mars and impeach Barack Obama! Read more on LaRouchite Dem Candidate ‘Ke$ha’ Has Some Awesome Ideas Re: Space Colonies, Impeachment…
  fighting the lobsterbacks

LaRouchite Weirdos Protesting Queen Elizabeth Again, In DC

Wonkette operative Dan T. was just walking to work at the Capitol (where he is the Queen’s Witchfinder General) when, from a very great and apparently safe distance, he took this picture with his “smart phone.” It shows some LaRouchites protesting Hitler (Queen Elizabeth, third from left, wearing rabbit ears) and promoting a Webisode and BP apparel. Never forget! Read more on LaRouchite Weirdos Protesting Queen Elizabeth Again, In DC…
  earth's oldest rituals

Posh-Ponce David Cameron To Beg Honorable Elizabeth Windsor For Her Government

Here is the scene in dreadful, leaderless Englandtowne right now, where posh-ponce David Cameron is on his way to the Palace to perform his latest rabbit-goblin dance for the delight of royal lady Queen Elizabeth, of the German-British ruling family. Read more on Posh-Ponce David Cameron To Beg Honorable Elizabeth Windsor For Her Government…
  thine royal elecktion

Gordon Brown Going To Queen’s House To Resign, David Cameron To Take Over In Tit-Bit?

Self-loathing Labour monster Gordon Brown is literally in a fancy car right now on his way to the Queen’s Palace to tell the noble monarch Elizabeth Windsor that he would be honored to no longer have a job running Her Majesty’s Government, immediately, if she would be so gracious & comely as to accept his failure. She will then utter a faint “quite quite” and honorably chop off his head with her longest, most jewel-encrusted Knife and feed it to her pet lions, Bubby and Munnie, of Dover. Read more on Gordon Brown Going To Queen’s House To Resign, David Cameron To Take Over In Tit-Bit?…
  also gordon brown and nick clegg making a deal?

Posh-Ponce David Cameron Performed For Queen As Rabbit-Goblin

David Cameron is just like us! He dressed like a forest animal for a school play … along with Prince Edward. And that’s how Young Davey first met his royal highness and actual cousin, Queen Elizabeth II. (Posh Davey is the illegitimate-royal great-great-great-great-great grandchild of King William IV, while Cameron’s wife is the direct descendant of one of Charles II’s royal whores, Nell Gwyn. England is funny.) Read more on Posh-Ponce David Cameron Performed For Queen As Rabbit-Goblin…
  she is the lizard queen she can do anything

500-Year-Old Monarch Has Reigned Through a Dozen U.S. Presidents!

Here is something pretty gross: Queen Elizabeth II — holy emperor of the Kingdom of the Picts, Scots, Irish, French and the Ancient Chinamen — has been the Monarch of this bog-land since Harry S. Truman was president. And she’s STILL alive, which is the only requirement for continuing one’s queening career. Read more on 500-Year-Old Monarch Has Reigned Through a Dozen U.S. Presidents!…
  royal scandal!

Barack Obama Basically Punches Queen Of England

The Obamas have a terrible relationship with the Queen of England, Elizabeth Windsor. This is known. When they visited the Queen a few months ago, Barack Obama gave Her Majesty a “Touch iPod” loaded with hardcore interracial pornography films and swine flu. Michelle Obama, meanwhile, grabbed the Queen’s boobs for at least 30 minutes. The whole affair was vulgar. And now look what’s up: Gordon Brown didn’t invite the Queen to a Normandy party in Nicolas Sarkozy’s country, and she is pissed. Why did Barack Obama insult the Queen like this? Read more on Barack Obama Basically Punches Queen Of England…
  government power grabs

WHY IS THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TAKING OUR TEA BAGS? “The lower classes and uneducated swarms seem to be the primary target for this ‘collection by coercion,’ in which the Senate and House of Representatives have dug in their heels and embarked on a crusade to take all the tea bags from our most humble citizens.” [AOL Political Machine] Read more on …
  for shame

THESE OBAMAS MUST RESPECT OUR QUEEN: “The president’s presumptuousness most certainly did not stop with the poison gift of the I-pod. Instead of holding tape recordings of quality music from Great Britain, rumor has it this device was filled with 30 gigabytes (or, a half hour’s worth) of sexual American music by the likes of Barry White or Boz Scaggs.” [AOL Political Machine] Read more on …
  terrible stories

Does The Queen HATE Black Michelle Obama?

No, and if you’re wondering why your Wonkette has been posting stupid pictures and contests all day it’s because most of the “news reports” have been about how Michelle Obama, an Uppity piece of awful trash, “touched” (/shared a mutual quarter-hug with) old Queen Elizabeth, the divine ruler of the British Commonwealth. We hate to GO THERE but it would be nice if news organizations stopped being so racist sometimes. The Queen was not in danger (MAYBE). [YouTube] Read more on Does The Queen HATE Black Michelle Obama?…
  america's greatest journalist

Ed Henry ‘Makes News’ Again

It looks like CNN’s Ed Henry — who only eight days ago wrote The Worst Article In American History — is lining up some devastating “audibles” for his next opportunity to troll Barack Obama. “Oklahoma!” — does… DOES THE QUEEN EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS? [Twitter] Read more on Ed Henry ‘Makes News’ Again…
  first dates

Obama Meets Queen, CNN Yells

Oh this is a necessary post. You all do want to see the Obamas meeting our colonial Queen at her Buckingham Palace, don’t you? Because they do just that. Check out the Queen, still hangin’ in there. She could stand on top of both Malia and Sasha Obama and still be shorter than either of their parents. CNN did a great job covering this event, too. Its daytime anchor shouts for a while, and then a drunk limey comes on to shout some more. [YouTube] Read more on Obama Meets Queen, CNN Yells…