Tag Archives: qatar

  Won't Someone Think Of The Soccer Moms?

Head Foot-The-Ball Guy Resigns In Huge FIFA Scandal We All Care About Very Much

Art swiped shamelessly from the incomparable Bill Griffith. OK, with some shame.
Wow, have you been following the incredibly fascinating FIFA scandal as closely as we have? As sports-related fuck-tussles go, it’s like the Chicago Black Sox times DeflateGate plus BENGHAZI! It’s all about corruption and bribery in the governing body for soccer, or “real football,” which is a sport that the rest of the world has had wars over, and which Americans grudgingly haul their children to practice for in minivans, until they decide soccer is uncool and they’d rather spend all their time playing videogames and masturbating. Anyway, last week the U.S. Justice Department, in cooperation with Swiss authorities, arrested and indicted a whole bunch of FIFA officials on big-time corruption charges. And now, because the ongoing investigation has begun to maybe implicate FIFA’s president, Sepp Blatter, we learned Tuesday that Sepp Blatter is resigning as president of FIFA, which means we won’t have Sepp Blatter to kick around anymore, which is sad considering that kids in poor third-world slums actually play soccer by kicking around an inflated sepp bladder. It’s all they have. Read more on Head Foot-The-Ball Guy Resigns In Huge FIFA Scandal We All Care About Very Much…
  Oh great here's another maybe thing

Is Hillary Clinton World’s Evilest Arms Dealer Ever? Maybe!

Up to no good, maybe or maybe not
At last, a Hillary Clinton ZOMGgate story that might actually be a thing! (Or might not. You never know with those wily Clintons, which is why it’s generally best to assume guilty until proven otherwise.) According to an exhaustive trillion-word report by the International Business Times, the Clinton State Department authorized approximately eleventeen metric fucktons of defense contracts between corporations and countries that, coincidentally uh huh sure right, happened to donate a whole bunch of money to the Clinton Foundation and to Bill Clinton (that’s her husband) for doing his high-priced speechifying thing: Read more on Is Hillary Clinton World’s Evilest Arms Dealer Ever? Maybe!…
  flotus files

British Tabloids Uncover Michelle Obama’s Fancy Underwear

The Europeans just cannot get enough of our First Lady Michelle Obama. She is all they have right now, with their money spinning down the toilet and Heidi Klum experiencing a divorce tragedy, etc. Last week, the French shared their opinions about Michelle Obama and her brave decision to not dress like MC Hammer. Now, of course, the British have decided that they do not like competing with France for the title of “Country With Best Insane Published Writing About FLOTUS.” But their take on Michelle Obama is a little more “saucy,” as they would say, because it involves (tee hee!) underpants! Read more on British Tabloids Uncover Michelle Obama’s Fancy Underwear…
  another affront to christmas

Evil Soccer Organization Chooses Evil Russia and Qatar Over America

The United States’ big dreams of hosting the 2022 World Cup were shattered by one of the planet’s smallest nations. In a historic vote Thursday in Zurich, FIFA awarded the hosting rights to Qatar, a Middle Eastern country smaller than Connecticut that wowed the sport’s international governing body with innovative stadium plans, massive financial resources and the promise of promoting harmony in a region that has never staged the World Cup. Read more on Evil Soccer Organization Chooses Evil Russia and Qatar Over America…
  ways to ruin your life

MEET THE STUPIDEST ASSHOLE IN EARTH’S HISTORY: “A federal official said that the passenger went to the bathroom to smoke a cigarette, and was confronted by air marshals on board the plane. He understood he had diplomatic immunity, and made sarcastic comments that they took as a threat, said the official, who spoke on condition of anonymity.” What he, the Qatar diplomat, said was, “I’m lighting my shoes on fire,” causing every reaction up to and including two scrambled F-16s on the way. We’ll see how well “diplomatic immunity” holds up for this cocksucker! [NYT] Read more on …