HEALTH CARE DRAMA: Rahm Says, ‘We Should Do The Lame Health Care Idea,’ Obama Pretends To ‘Walk It Back’ With Tricksy Statement From SOVIET UNION
Tuesday, July 7th, 2009
Hey, we tried to make the headline concise, but these daily health care reform games are just nuts. Okay, so, TODAY’S INTERNET HEALTH CARE BABBLE RECAP: Rahm Emanuel told a newspaper that the White House would be open to the lamers’ version of health care reform, and then progressives went nuts, and then Obama released a statement from inside Lenin’s coffin supposedly “walking back” Rahm’s statement, and this is when the Halperins of the world started paying attention because it allowed them to write simple “Rahm vs. Obama” narratives, and then progressives actually read Obama’s “walk back” statement closely and saw that it was worded rather sneakily and wasn’t that different from what Rahm said in the first place, and now no one will ever be able to see a doctor again and we’ll all die and go to Hell, where this debate will presumably resume in another 10 to 20 years. MORE »











Hey didn’t you secede
JOHN McCAIN PUSSES OUT ON RAINY RALLY; OBAMA STAYS: Well ladies and gentlemen, that settles it. Your brave war hero John McCain does not want to hold an outdoor rally in the rain in Pennsylvania, while an hour away, Barack Obama the Hawaiian shark god whips a drenched crowd of 9.000 into an orgiastic frenzy. What is wrong with all these terrible hippies, standing in the rain to listen to some guy talk about hope while his teleprompter breaks. [
There has been an OUTRAGEOUS CRIME committed against the little GOP office in Cody, Wyoming! Local children are accused of putting some Obama stickers and fliers on the windows of the Republican office! This is exactly the kind of Domestic Terrorism that Sarah Palin is working so hard to fight, you betcha. 
Democratic operatives are surprisingly not scared shitless about Obama’s upcoming vacation to Hawaii, despite the party’s well known reputation as shirtless pussies who are always being gay on beaches: “In a piece of footage endlessly recycled to mock his supposed elitism and even foreignness, Mr Kerry was caught on camera windsurfing off Massachusetts. Since Mr Obama is taking his holiday at a private beach house in Hawaii, surrounded by the secret service, campaign officials worry less about his exposure to the paparazzi. Besides, they say, most Americans will be tuned into the Olympics.” The Olympics? Ha! You silly campaign officials, letting down your guard. [
After an exciting day of voting, the Senate has voted in favor of the new FISA surveillance bill, 69-28, and George Bush will now sign it into law in his secret masturbatorium.