Tag Archives: puppies

  The Derp Before Christmas

Derp Roundup: Zombie Baby Jesus Edition

And that's what Hearth's Warming Eve is all about, Zombie Brown
It’s a special Ho-Ho-Huh? Edition of Derp Roundup, the feature where we bring you the stories that don’t quite deserve their very own posts, but are too stupid to ignore altogether. So light the candles and gather round the hearth, and start drinking  first thing in the morning if that gets you through this mess. Absinthe is Christmassy, isn’t it? Read more on Derp Roundup: Zombie Baby Jesus Edition…
  go hug something. anything

AZ Senator Jeff Flake’s Son Probably Did Not Kill Those 20 Dead Dogs *On Purpose* So That’s Something Anyway

OK, we were kind of hoping to avoid writing about this because it is so fucking sad and we have very little funny to say about a whole bunch of dead puppies, but we’re just going to roll up our sleeves and do it. Last week, upwards of 20 dogs died in an Arizona boarding house, and U.S. Senator Jeff Flake’s kid, Austin, and his wife, were in charge when it happened. Also too Sheriff Joe Arpaio is the investigator. Everything is awful. Read more on AZ Senator Jeff Flake’s Son Probably Did Not Kill Those 20 Dead Dogs *On Purpose* So That’s Something Anyway…
  wonkette world o' books

Wonkette Book Club Update: We’ve Scored A Livechat With Author, NPR Guy, And New Puppy Owner Andy Carvin

Just a quick reminder, Wonkeratti, that you have a bit over a week to get ahold of and read our Book Club’s first selection, Andy Carvin’s Distant Witness: Social Media, the Arab Spring and a Journalism Revolution. Carvin became something of an Interwebs phenomenon in 2010-11 when his familiarity with a number of prominent bloggers in Tunisia, Egypt, and Libya, his position as NPR’s Social Media director, and his mad Twitter skillz all combined to make him one of the main conduits of information between participants in the Arab Spring and the western media. In Distant Witness, he explores how new media helped people organize and communicate with each other and with the outside world; he also looks at some of the challenges involved in using social media as a form of journamalism. We’re pretty chuffed to announce that Andy Carvin has agreed to join Your Wonkette for a livechat — we’re still nailing down a day and time, but we think it will be early the week of March 4th, which gives you lucky bibliophiles a bit more time to grab and read a copy of the book. Not sure if you’ll have time to receive a dead-trees version, but the e-book is available for virtually any screen you already read Your Wonkette on. Read more on Wonkette Book Club Update: We’ve Scored A Livechat With Author, NPR Guy, And New Puppy Owner Andy Carvin…
  snark-free

In Unfamiliar Role, Wonkette Scours Internet for Good News

Yr Wonkette, just like everybody else, still stuck in one of the first four stages of the five stages of grief. (“Acceptance” is not on the table. Not now, not ever). In order to get through the day, we’ve been searching the internets for things that are not awful. We have also been drinking but that is nothing new now is it. Presented without comment is Wonkette’s tribute to Buzzfeed listicles: 6 Good Things that Happened on the Internet: Read more on In Unfamiliar Role, Wonkette Scours Internet for Good News…
  our flourishing economy

Recession Makes Americans Kill Pets, Quit Having Kids

Not that you’d notice from the 40 million unemployed “workers” in this country, or the way all the houses in your neighborhood are being abandoned by night, or the miles of empty strip malls on the edge of every doomed American town, but experts in New York and Washington (the only two thriving cities in America, hah!) now say we may be “returning” to the Great Recession because the “recovery” has stalled. Oh noes. We have another theory that’s not very controversial, when you consider the almost daily “downgrades” of previously reported economic figures from the past several quarters: We never got out of recession, and we never will. Also, record numbers of cute puppies are being euthanized at American animal shelters! Read more on Recession Makes Americans Kill Pets, Quit Having Kids…
  rumors on the internets

Mike Huckabee Doesn’t Care About All Of The Gross Stuff Gay People Do To Their Dogs

Angelina Jolie recolonized The Congo so that Brangelina could adopt as many precious diamonds and African orphans as humanly possible. [The Daily Dish] On a similar note: Mike Huckabee just wants you to know that babies do not = puppies, these are two different things, and yeah the gays can sodomize as many adopted puppies as they see fit but babies? Gay people shouldn’t be allowed to own those things. [Daily Intel] Read more on Mike Huckabee Doesn’t Care About All Of The Gross Stuff Gay People Do To Their Dogs…
  disasters

Haiti Earthquake Photos Feature … Puppies?

So there was a terrible earthquake in Haiti, and the news out of there is pretty fucking grim, which is why people who clicked on the link to see reader-submitted photos of the disaster on the Washington Post might have been shocked to see puppies and blue skies! Thanks (?) to reader “Josh” for the tip, and note that if you click the clicky now you will see pictures of horrible tragedy and destruction. [Your Haiti Earthquake Photos on WaPo] Read more on Haiti Earthquake Photos Feature … Puppies?…
  wagg the bog

Obama Nationalizes Puppy Care, And Uncle Berlusconi Would Like To Be With You, Alone

Creepy Italian sausage SILVIO “JUST CALL ME PAPI” BERLUSCONI cherishes his privacy. Sì, Berlusconi needs his special alone time, so he can mount meter maids and plow the dickens out of teenage models in peace. But why won’t the evil ITALIAN MEDIA respect Berlusconi’s privacy? Surely they will all be excommunicated after ruining his daughter’s birthday celebration, and also, Berlusconi’s chances of scoring with his daughter’s extremely young friends. Vaffunculo! Italy: spay this man before HANS BLIX is required to, under international law. Snipity snip snip! … Read more on Obama Nationalizes Puppy Care, And Uncle Berlusconi Would Like To Be With You, Alone…
  cartoon violence

Everything Is Bad

By the Comics CurmudgeonThe economy’s in the crapper! Tim Geithner cannot and will not save us! The stimulus is not stimulating enough, or is too stimulating, or something! Judd Gregg and Barack Obama are getting a divorce! It is absolutely true that everything in the world is worse than it ever has been before at any time in history, or ever will be again. Can we find solace in funny cartoons? Sadly, we cannot, because they are also bad. Come, let us endure the unendurable, together. Read more on Everything Is Bad…
  obama's mystery puppy

Obamas Will Adopt Precious Rescue Puppy, Destroy American Businesses

Oh look at those Obamas once again “doing the right thing” and being decent or whatever. The terrorist cell “PETA” just sent us this email, claiming that “Obama and his wife, Michelle, have announced that they will adopt a rescued dog for their daughters instead of patronizing a pet store or breeder.” Oh la dee dah, President Hopes-a-lot, going to save an innocent puppy (probably a “street organizer” single-parent puppy) from euthanasia while shutting down Joe the Breeder’s puppy mill, HENGHH? Read more on Obamas Will Adopt Precious Rescue Puppy, Destroy American Businesses…
  wonkette film club

Compare And Contrast: New McCain And Obama Attack Ads

Both presidential candidates released some angry shit-talking commercials today. Apparently Barack Obama promises your family fewer jobs, while John McCain lives in a tiny black-and-white television with George Bush. The question is, which candidate more stealthily removed the other candidate’s balls and replaced them with harmless Neuticles? View and assess, after the jump. Read more on Compare And Contrast: New McCain And Obama Attack Ads…
 

Marines To Investigate Cruel Puppy Death

A few days ago, a shocking viral video showed a puppy being thrown off a cliff in Iraq by some Marine. We still think it was a stuffed animal. Either way, the humans continue to fight in Iraq, but the Marines will launch a full-scale investigation into this matter of the puppy. Read more on Marines To Investigate Cruel Puppy Death…
 

When Animals Attack DC Fundraisers

newVideoPlayer("pet.flv", 463, 387,""); Wonkette’s Liz Glover took her various Video and Polaroid cameras to the “Sugar & Champagne” fundraiser for the Washington Humane Society. And what exactly happens when animals attack people in a sugar/champagne frenzy? Watch the video to find out! [Sugar & Champagne Affair] Read more on When Animals Attack DC Fundraisers…
 

2nd Best Campaign Mailer of the Year: Where’s My Dog?

It is the easiest (and most overused) “attack ad” joke there is: “My opponent hates puppies.” In one Pennsylvania race, yet another satirical trope has been bested by reality. Say hello to Larry Glick, Democratic candidate for the State House: As the Philly Inquirer reported today, this mailer was sent out to voters across Bucks County by the Pennsylvania Republican State Committee. And we cannot for the life of us decide if we like it better than the sex offender one. The details of the ruthless dog murder are on the back. There is no possible additional joke to be made. RIP Wrango the Dog. Read more on 2nd Best Campaign Mailer of the Year: Where’s My Dog?…
 

Ask a Hill Staffer: Hagiographic Content

Our good friend the Anonymous Hill Staffer seems to be in a bit of a bad mood this week, but fear not — he did let us know that with Spring springing (or so we hear, we haven’t left our apartment during daylight hours for a week at least), the skintern season shall soon begin in earnest. So his answers to next week’s questions ought to be a bit more cheerful, if also a bit distracted. This week, a very civic-minded edition covers working for Congress, sex again, and a wonderful idea for the Reagan memorial. Read more on Ask a Hill Staffer: Hagiographic Content…
 

BUTTERSTICK HAS BROKEN THE CUTE BARRIER

We apologize for our long absence today. We had to lie down for a few hours after witnessing THE CUTEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED ON THIS EARTH. We’re serious. Baby Jesus surrounded by kittens on rollerskates singing “All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth,” that might come close. A puppy riding a pony in a cowboy outfit while pretending to rob a bank? Eh. We have seen The Stick in a bowl. Observe: Sure, he’s still getting it on with that frightening butt plug large dog toy, but, man… The rolling, the tumbling, the turning into a furry little yin-yang symbol? Oh, we’re going to have to lie down again. Read more on BUTTERSTICK HAS BROKEN THE CUTE BARRIER…