Tag Archives: pundits

  Up and Down the Memory Hole

Let’s Play This Fun New Jennifer Rubin Game, ‘Game Of Lies’!

Jennifer Rubin, she’s this lady. Writes Mitt Romney fanfic for the Washington Post. Well, she did, anyway. Now she’s been reduced to a cutesy game where she steals the old Newsweek “Conventional Wisdom Watch” feature, with a series of “ups” and “downs,” except for how they’re all Jennifer Rubin reporting from her crotch. For instance, she is like “Up: My boner for Rick Perry,” and “Up: Unemployment rate (to 6.2 percent),” which, wow, that is some fucking balls. Read more on Let’s Play This Fun New Jennifer Rubin Game, ‘Game Of Lies’!…
  2 bongs 1 cupp

S.E. Cupp Writes Stupidest Possible Column On Pot

Wow, Gary was right! Leggy Fox News CNN Idiot S.E. Cupp truly has taken the lead for the dumbest column of 2014, and it’s going to take some massive expenditures of PunditDerp to surpass her thought-like statements about marijuana. It’s also depressing to know that someone will pull it off anyway. If nothing else, it at least proves that pot can make some people stupid even if they don’t ingest any at all. So here’s the dealio: Cupp believes that marijuana legalization could turn out to be a very bad thing for liberals, because it’s wildly inconsistent with other parts of the progressive agenda — or at least “the progressive agenda” as imagined by S.E. Cupp’s strange libertarian mind. For instance, just take guns — please! Read more on S.E. Cupp Writes Stupidest Possible Column On Pot…
  peace: what is it good for?

A Children’s Treasury Of Bitching About Obama’s Syria Speech

Between the 9/11 anniversary and Syria, there is just not a lot out there this morning, so let’s grit our teeth and shovel through some of the pundit-leavings on Barry’s big Syria speech together, shall we? Let’s start with Peggy Noonan’s pre-speech analysis, in which she proclaims the prospect of Syria’s surrendering its chemical weapons “absurd” and decides that Barack Obama has already given up on a military strike on Syria, but “can’t acknowledge this or act as if it is true.” Therefore, all Obama can do is to play for time: Because with time, with a series of statements, negotiations, ultimatums, promises and proposals, the Syria crisis can pass. It can dissipate into the air, like gas. The president will keep the possibility of force on the table, but really he’s lunging for a lifeline he was lucky to be thrown. We aren’t even sure if Dame Peggy thinks Obama should have been a lot tougher with Syria or if he should have just minded his own beeswax; she is absolutely certain, however, that he has bungled this perfectly manageable situation, “in part because this White House is full of people who know nothing—really nothing—about history. They’ve only seen movies.” And they are not the movies that play nightly in Peggy Noonan’s head, in which Ronald Reagan wears a white horse and stares down bad guys with his nuclear six-shooter. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Bitching About Obama’s Syria Speech…
  headhunters' korner

Who Should Fox News Hire Next?

First Fox News got rid of some of their underperforming pundits, like Dick Morris and Sarah Palin, and the Internet was Sad. Then they turned around and hired a bunch of new idiots, like Scott Brown and Herman Cain, and the Internet was happy again! (And if you can make “Ken Layne” happy, you can do it to anyone.) But ol’ Herb Cain kind of bores us — YEAH WE SAID IT — and Scott Brown is sort of a big old hairy nothingburger when he is not warning Elizabeth Warren to stop forcing him to shoot a load of racist all over her. So who, if Fox News really wants to keep that sweet, sweet libtard hate-clix-grift rolling in, should they hire next? Read more on Who Should Fox News Hire Next?…
  history's greatest monster

Jennifer Rubin Valiantly Crusades Against Obama For The Pope’s Honor

Washington Post Opinion Columnist and intifada-themed torture porn aficionado Jennifer Rubin is not a big fan of the President. According to Rubin, our Muslin half-ling is simply an effete market-hating monster who splits his time between plotting to kill the Jews and live- streaming the murder of Chris Stevens with his bro’s in the war room, for the lolz. But while the vast majority of Rubin’s fantasies about the President lean more on the side of “psychologically obsessive antipathy” than they do actual analysis, opinion editor Fred Hiatt nevertheless sees her as some sort of Conservative luminary despite her legendary record of outright hackery. Read more on Jennifer Rubin Valiantly Crusades Against Obama For The Pope’s Honor…
  consider the deficits!

‘It’s The Deficit, Stupid,’ Says Fantastically Stupid Man Advising Obama On State Of The Union

WaPo skin mustn't touch anything less fine than silk or else a rash will result
Chris Cillizza of the Washington Post writes a column called the “Fix,” an utterly pointless screed containing the deep thoughts of a man whose views on politics are indistinguishable from any of the other Caddyshack extras haunting the Wa-Po editorial board. Cillizza (like so many before him) has made a career out of disguising the comfortable politics of the aristocracy as actually news while occasionally making an ill-fated step into topical humor. In other words, despite his utter lack of insight, talent, or originality, he has job security akin to a Supreme Court Justice despite having yet to publish a piece that isn’t a carbon copy of something David Broder hacked into his spittoon back in 1983. But don’t think that this impressive inability to analyze or interpret the events of the world would in anyway prevent CC from hitting publish on his blog. Nope! He’s got advice for the President on how to best set the tone for his second term. What does this 36-year-old man-child want the President to do exactly? Well if you guessed “fuck the poors and patronize everyone else” then you are well on your way to an appearance on The Cycle! Read more on ‘It’s The Deficit, Stupid,’ Says Fantastically Stupid Man Advising Obama On State Of The Union…
  everyone is dumb

Sad Pundits: Why Won’t Insiders Tell Us Who Will Win The Election?

THIS ELECTION, YOU GUYS! It is … confusing? Like, some people say that Barack Obama will win re-election, while others say that his opponent, Mitt Romney, will prevail! WHO ARE WE TO TRUST? Normally, of course, we’d turn to the literally of hundreds of people who are employed full-time by various old- and new-media outlets to report on and offer opinions about politics, because they know things. But as a survey of these sages in the Politico reveals, they’re completely at sea as well! You must click the “MORE” clicky in order to read the single greatest quote in a Politico article of all time, which reveals the utter bankruptcy of the pundit class. Then you can spend the next six days doing something productive and rewarding with your life! Read more on Sad Pundits: Why Won’t Insiders Tell Us Who Will Win The Election?…
  terrorists under the bed

Hot New Guardian Pundit: Novelist Alice Walker and Holocaust Survivor Helped Arm Terrorists

People (mostly liberal elitists) were a little disappointed when the Guardian announced that Redstate.com cofounder and former George W. Bush speechwriter Josh Treviño would be joining its team of U.S. columnists. This is because back in June 2011, as unarmed activists (including the novelist Alice Walker and Holocaust survivor Hedy Epstein) set sail on a flotilla to protest Israel’s then-four year blockade of Gaza, Josh Treviño tweeted that he would be TOTALLY COOL with the IDF killing Americans aboard because Free Gaza Flotilla participants “adhere to our enemies.” But see, all these excitable liberals can chillax because he didn’t MEAN it; all he MEANT was that the Free Gaza activists were actively helping arm terrorist groups so if they did happen to get shot by the IDF, everyone would probably be ok with it, so what’s the big deal? Oh, and by “everyone” he means him, Hillary Clinton, Rick Perry, and “the broad sweep of American opinion.” So can we all just calm down so he can write for the Guardian now? Read more on Hot New Guardian Pundit: Novelist Alice Walker and Holocaust Survivor Helped Arm Terrorists…
  america's oldest pundits

Longtime U.S. Policy Expert Fidel Castro Says U.S. About To Attack Iran

Now in his sixth decade as the world’s preeminent expert on U.S. foreign policy, retired Cuban president Fidel Castro writes in his newspaper column (in Cuba) that the Obama Administration is about to attack … Iran. One more war against one more Muslim country can’t make things worse, right? Right? Oh, Iran maybe has nuclear weapons of some sort? Well, whatever, so does Pakistan, and we don’t have any problem blasting apart suburban houses there, because of terrorism. Read more on Longtime U.S. Policy Expert Fidel Castro Says U.S. About To Attack Iran…
  he's already won

Illegal Kenyan Donald Trump Gets Job On ‘Fox & Friends’

Well that worked! Alleged “natural-born citizen” Donald Trump, if that is his real name, has been appearing on Fox for the past few weeks to say increasingly ridiculous things about President Obama’s birth and Muslims and the like, a sort of unpaid Fox contributor internship. But now, thanks to his good performance, he has been hired for a part-time gig as one of the resident Fox & Friends idiots. Congratulations, terrorist! Read more on Illegal Kenyan Donald Trump Gets Job On ‘Fox & Friends’…
  the darndest things

Racist Child Is America’s Greatest Pundit

It’s obvious to anyone who reads a newspaper that America is in desperate need of new pundits. The op-ed, once a hallowed institution of intellectual political thought, has been besieged by idiots, celebrities, and senile old-guard journalists who are incapable of seeing the world around them or coming up with original ideas. Thus, we turn our eyes to a new generation: Andrew Pendergraft of The Andrew Show, a Web production from WhitePrideTV.com. Andrew is a pint-sized conservative who’s not afraid to actually say he’s racist. That’s pretty refreshing. We’ve compiled a video featuring some of his best political dogma, from his thoughts on Barack Obama and illegal immigrants to sex education in the nation’s schools. Read more on Racist Child Is America’s Greatest Pundit…
  a regular t.j. from 'smart guy'

Charles Krauthammer Criticizes Obama For Not Being As Brave As Charles Krauthammer On Mosque Thing

Thank God (not Allah) that we have Charles Krauthammer to lead the hearts and minds of our country. Krauthammer, you will be shocked to learn, considering that kind face of his, is against the conversion of that Manhattan Burlington Coat Factory to a mosque. (All the 9/11 families say it should be a Big Lots, by the way.) And he has led us on this issue, tirelessly, in his dumb job that pays him an actual living wage simply to write a single column every week. Today’s conclusion: Obama is a coward for coming out in favor of the freedom of religion, and his ilk do not have a refined taste in analogies, like Krauthammer does. Read more on Charles Krauthammer Criticizes Obama For Not Being As Brave As Charles Krauthammer On Mosque Thing…
  changing of the wingnut guard

Bill O’Reilly Offended That Glenn Beck Doesn’t Think Gay Marriage Is a Problem

Bill O’Reilly had Glenn Beck on his show last night, and he seems threatened that Beck sees no reason to cover culture-war issues and very threatened that Beck doesn’t care if gay marriage is legalized. “Do you believe — do you believe that gay marriage is a threat to the country in any way?” O’Reilly asked. “No. Are the gay — will the gays come and get us?” Beck responded. And thus a strange pattern of Glenn Beck making sense continues. Read more on Bill O’Reilly Offended That Glenn Beck Doesn’t Think Gay Marriage Is a Problem…
  good ways to shore up your base

Robert Gibbs To Order Mandatory Government Drug Testing For Libruls Who Criticize White House

The Obama administration is sick of libruls such as Rachel Maddow who dare CRITICIZE them, the librul political party’s presidential administration, when they fail to do important librul things. “I hear these people saying he’s like George Bush. Those people ought to be drug tested,” Robert Gibbs said. (But he is like George Bush, because he lives in the same house and has the same job and also calls himself “President.”) Why are the “professional left” not in lock-step with their dear leader? Isn’t there a chemical that makes you oppose gay marriage and support Guantanamo Bay that Robert Gibbs can inject people with when he’s checking them for teh drugz? Read more on Robert Gibbs To Order Mandatory Government Drug Testing For Libruls Who Criticize White House…
  rumors on the internets

Where Is Your Sippy Cup Solidarity, America?

Here is today’s obligatory “No Muslim Churches at Ground Zero” thing. It brings up a lot of great points (i.e. 9/11) so make sure you read it in its entirety. [RedState] Read more on Where Is Your Sippy Cup Solidarity, America?…
  we just don't have the attention spans

Obama: Fire Or Keep McChrystal Already, America CAN’T HANDLE IT

We learned yesterday that General Stanley McChrystal made some comments about civilian leaders in the administration. Since then, America’s pundits have waited PATIENTLY for his stupid plane to get to Washington so Obama could yell at him. Well, he had his meeting. And, uh, what happened? FIRE HIM OR KEEP HIM OBAMA. This is SERIOUS. Some guy MADE FUN of Joe Biden. We have all taken our sides and will yell about whether Obama’s decision is right or not as soon as it’s announced. Barack Obama is the last person on Earth who has not decided whether McChrystal should be fired or not. It’s time to DO SOMETHING. Read more on Obama: Fire Or Keep McChrystal Already, America CAN’T HANDLE IT…