Wonkette

Here’s nutty Clinton campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe making good on his promise to do shots with Morning Joe co-host Mika Brzezinski, today, at like 7 a.m. They are downing “Puerto Rican rum,” as Terry gladly points out — it’s a very exclusive brand known as “regular Bacardi.” Then they talk about politics for a while, and Mika touches him at the end, and now we know that they are having an affair, forever. [MSNBC]

Hillary Clinton is whoopin’ presumptive Democratic nominee Barack Obama’s ass in Puerto Rico, in almost every demographic. Congrats, Hillz, because this will be the last win you ever see in presidential politics. [CNN]

Here’s Barry Obama’s latest “pitch” to the Puerto Ricans, which he delivers in their native language. He seems to be mentioning, once again, that he was “born on an island” too. And then he says that he freed the Jews from Auschwitz & Ramses’ Egypt, which is somehow true if he says it in Mexican. [Barack Obama]

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The young lass who just a few short years ago wowed the world by dodging sniper fire in Bosnia will not be able to deliver a repeat performance dodging bombs in Puerto Rico because people in the Navy are mean.
For those of you who were alive way back in the late 1990s, you will recall that Vieques is a little spot in Puerto Rico the military used to bomb the shit out of, for practice, and people protested it occasionally until a bomb killed a security guard and they shut the whole thing down. MORE »

Hillary Clinton is pimping out her daughter on Puerto Rico today, and by golly it worked! Luisette Cabanas, a previously undecided superdelegate, has just announced her support for Hillary Clinton with Chelsea by her side. What magical powers did Chelsea employ? Did it involve a knife and a severed cat’s head? [Marc Ambinder]

While her mother was off getting ignored by Republicans, Chelsea Clinton took a few days in sunny Puerto Rico to address a group of nuns. Her father Bill stayed on the plane, saying, “Poke me when we get to Vegas.” [AP story and photo]

Here is the Absolut vodka ad that is Controversial for appealing to Mexicans, who want to take back the western United States (officially) in their perfect world. Well boo hoo. Look at the upside: Absolut also wants to squash Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez while simultaneously bottle-fucking Puerto Rico. [LA Times]

Anibal Acevedo Vila, the “governor” of Puerto Rico (the island, not the New York City), has been indicted by U.S. authorities for “18 counts in a long-running campaign finance probe.” Apparently this is one of those things that the United States runs in Puerto Rico, the home of the third-to-last Democratic primary/caucus on June 3. Another 12 officials — all members of the “Popular Democratic Party” — have been charged along with the governor and are “accused of running a conspiracy to illegally raise money to pay off Acevedo’s campaign debts in 2000.” Christ, if that’s the case, we better put the whole FBI/CIA/DOJ/DOD/NBA on these sick motherfuckers, and then have a Surge. [AP/Google] MORE »

Thank you, Democratic National Committee, for finally wrapping up this dumb primary season. The last primary in Puerto Rico had been scheduled for June 7 but has been moved to June 1, so now Montana and South Dakota will get the last say on June 3. Jubilant Americans are flooding the streets to shout this primary season’s new motto, “FOUR LESS DAYS!” The DNC’s finally done something right, you say? That’s only because they were correcting something pathetically wrong: “Puerto Rico’s original plan called for selecting delegates at caucuses June 7. However, after the DNC approved the plan in December, it was discovered that the date was typo and should have read June 1, DNC officials said.” [AP/Google]