• ROCKEFELLER’S PUBLIC OPTION GOES DOWN: It’s “public option amendment day” in the Senate Finance Committee’s markup of the evil Baucus Bill, and oh look at this, Jay Rockefeller’s amendment for a strong public option with reimbursement rates tied to those of Medicare… is dead. It was voted down 15-8. Democrats voting no: Baucus, Carper, Conrad, Lincoln, Nelson. Now they’re taking up Chuck Schumer’s amendment, which isn’t as strong, but still: public option! [Washington Post]

As if the somewhat nebulous nature of the term “public option” hadn’t already scared enough of America’s dumbest and most selfish specimens into frothy, (oftentimes!) racist, gun-toting, hysterical Mall-marching under the command of some autistic clown from the Fox News television channel, certain Democrats — or at least a certain “MoveOn.org” communist outfit — have adopted a new, humanizing approach towards the demystification of this basic legislative proposal: They have sent out e-mails FROM the Public Option itself. “Hi, I’m the public health insurance option,” this demented treatise opens. If your white grandmother ever sees this e-mail, she will *not* be easily calmed down. “MAH GAWD MAH GAWD THEM PUBLIC NEGROES IS AWN MAH AOL MACHINE! QUICKY NOW, WHAR’S MY COLORED-BEATIN’ CANE AT, FOR SMASHIN.” MORE »

It begins thusly: Bill O’Reilly announces that it is a good thing the public option is dead, because now the President can work on making sure the government will start to provide cost-effective, reliable health care for people who cannot afford private insurance. And then some gal from the Heritage Foundation is like, “Hmm, are you sure, Bill, that you want this? Because what you just described, it seems like something you don’t want.” It is at this point that O’Reilly realizes he has LITERALLY just said he loves communism. Ha ha, whatever though, because he 100% covers his tracks by assuring this sinister woman that he personally doesn’t want a bunch of socialists ordering him to retroactively abort the seniors in his family—Christ no—but he thinks that this might be good like for poor people. [Daily Kos]

For those of you who have decided to commit suicide if Barack Obama signs a health care bill without a public option, well… you’re still probably going to have to commit suicide, because of that thing, what is it, “the lack of votes in the Senate.” But not just yet! Prepare to receive lip service again, tonight, reports Sarah Palin’s banking pamphlet: “WASHINGTON — President Barack Obama, in a high-stakes speech Wednesday to Congress and the nation, will press for a government-run insurance option in a proposed overhaul of the U.S. health-care system that has divided lawmakers and voters for months.” All corporations will now die, hooray! MORE »

Confusing self-obstructionist dildo Max Baucus, whose Senate Finance Committee will wait another two weeks before talking again while the media continues to institutionalize its curiously prophetic “how comprehensive health care reform died this time” narrative, got on a conference call with the angry hippies recently and told them, “I want a public option, too!” Someone should tell him that he’s in luck, because he has the power to put a public option in his committee’s bill, call a vote, and send that bad boy to the Senate floor! [HuffPo]

• TUT TUT, HOWARD DEAN, TUT, TUT: It’s nice that Howard Dean keeps going on the teevee to argue for strong, progressive health care reforms, but we agree with young communist Ezra Klein that it’s… snooty, maybe?.. for Dean to keep blaring his “no public option, no point in health care reform” ultimatum when his own plan in 2004 didn’t include a public option. Neither did John Kerry’s. And people were fine with these plans! Universal health care! [Ezra Klein]

We have no idea what’s going on behind closed doors on Capitol Hill or in the White House (just kidding, we know it all and will never tell you!), but it seems obvious that the Republican leadership has invested so much (all) of its energy into shouting “GOVERNMENT TAKEOVER OF HEALTHCARE” at the prospect of any legislation that simply removing the small, imaginary basis for this shouting — a public health insurance plan to compete with private insurers on a new health insurance exchange — would not change anything. And guess what! The RNC released a statement this afternoon saying that, indeed, co-ops are also evil socialistic government-run health care systems from the U.S.S.R. programmed to kill your white grandparents and children. MORE »

• Roy Blunt (R-MO) knows stuff about Canada. He knows that in Canada, they speak French and Spanglish, and that “bacon” is really just lame slices of ham. Roy knows that if you need a hip replacement, the Canadian government sends to you live in poverty, with the Eskimos, who have no need for hips. [AMERICAblog]
• If Obama abandons the public option, hundreds of House members will put catheters in their weenies — à la Mike Gravel — and read Infinite Jest again and again and again, until they get their way (Hitler socialism). [TPM]
• Orly Taitz is the poster child for cannabis psychosis. [Salon]
• RedState Bible Study! God spoketh unto Abraham, “Abraham. Hey. Kill the public option.” So Abraham dragged the public option up a mountain, and stabbed it in the face. “Jesus Christ,” howled the Lord. “That was just a test. You weren’t supposed to do that, really.” And then Abraham shrugged and gave an exhilarating speech at Right Online, in the sinful city of Pittsburgh. The End. [RedState]
• Is the Washington Post snorting Prozac? Or maybe taking handfuls of Flintstone Zoloft vitamins every day? If so, please stop being greedy, and share with TNR. [The Plank]

So once upon a time the inventor of English decided it would be a very clever thing to spell certain dirty(ish) words very much like certain very chaste words. Now as a result, the Punic Wars are constantly and mistakenly referred to as the Pubic Wars, members of the GOP must stress that they are not “Repubicans,” and as to the so-called “public option” for health insurance — it takes a single omitted letter to turn this noble alternative into a snicker-worthy item on a menu of waxing services. MORE »

• FOR THOSE MOURNING THE DEATH OF THE PUBLIC OPTION: Here, read this thing by our old flame Nate Silver, who basically argues that the fate of a public competitor to private insurance was always pretty precarious. At any rate the poor old public option is probably not worth saving at this point, lest we throw out the proverbial baby with “half a loaf” of bath water. Nate Silver has turned into a pragmatist sellout just like his old man (Barack Obama). [FiveThirtyEight]

• If universal health care doesn’t scare the shit out of you, just imagine if there was a public option for extinguishing fires, and rescuing kittens from tree branches! Are your panties wet with horror? [Matt Yglesias]
• Next time you play a game of Guess Who, ask this winning question: “Is your person a birther?” If your opponent says “no,” you can eliminate 58% of the Republicans, and then the only people left will be the one black lady and that bald guy with the beard. [Think Progress]
• Ancient Turd Blossom Lou Dobbs just can’t shut up about how Barack Obama was never born, so it looks like it’s time for another Bristol Scale classification! Poopy-Lou is probably a Type Two, “Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface.” [AMERICAblog]
• Nothing says “Happy Friday” like a pregnant woman getting Police-tasered at a Baptism celebration. Thanks for the memories, America! And the court-ordered therapy. [Something Awful/YouTube]
• The RedState furry convention begins TONIGHT! And who will be this evening’s keynote speaker? The famous Waterloo hero Jim “The Duke of Wellington” DeMint, who will discuss the tactical uses of dragoons and other topics concerning modern military strategy. [RedState]
• Your preposterous vocab list for the week. Pop quiz on Monday. [Paul Slansky]