Tag: pt wonkette’s weekly review of the week that was

Remembering Our Fallen Week: America’s Favorite Corpse Turns 100

A hundred years ago, an angel was born on Earth. So this weekend, eat some jelly beans (get diabetes) in honor of Ronald Reagan. Egypt's tourism industry took a hit this week, for some reason. President Obama finally admitted...

Remembering Our Fallen Week: Fillet of the Union

The president recited some old Reagan speech for the State of the Union. It was very well received, especially by the salmon-American population. Blind prophet Michele Bachmann spoke in tongues for six-and-a-half whole minutes following Obama's Reagan speech, gazing into...

Remembering Our Fallen Week: The Tragedy In Wasilla

Your Wonkbot kept us safe from terror, before becoming another victim in the tragedy in Tuscon, Arizona, just like fellow Cylon Sarah Palin. Starved for attention (her TLC show ended this week), Sister Sarah made a CONTROVERSIAL hate...

Remembering Our Fallen Week: Nothing a Little Bribe Can’t Solve

Barack Obama welcomed the cast of Glee to worship with him and Michelle at his dog-cult shrine and White House. Dick Cheney managed to bribe his way out of being shipped to Nigeria like a lowly Wikileaker. Wikileaks founder...

Remembering Our Fallen Week: The Worst Hanukkah Ever

We learned that compromise in the Senate means giving into every Republican demand, ever, and that disagreeing just makes you a partisan hack. Just to prove the president's point, several of those partisan hacks in the lesser legislature had a...

Remembering Our Fallen Week: Giant Babies Invade Congress

Michele Bachmann and Steve King stood up for the antebellum south, who have been totally ignored since that runaway Kenyan slave became president. Perfect virgin Bristol Palin memorized some new vocabulary words to defend her honor against the ruler...

Remembering Our Fallen Week: Derision Points

The fake-pearl wearing former-FLOTUS, Barbara Bush, likes to can her fetuses. Screeching moonbat Keith Olbermann got suspended from his show because he  refused to apologize for being a screeching moonbat. The American wet-noodle party has yet to decide how often...

Remembering Our Fallen Week: There’s No ‘I’ in ‘Tea’

Your Wonkette dutifully and diligently documented the great teabagging of America, which will forever be remembered in the annals of history. The newly dethroned Queen of the House will remain the reptilian princess of the Democrats,...

Remembering Our Fallen Week: Pubic Humiliation

Journalism jumped the shark (again!) when our ex-godmother Gawker posted a mean thing about our beloved sybil Christine O'Donnell -- despite holding back the juiciest details. Coincidentally(?), Christine also developed a taste for human flesh. Top-secret plans confirm that...

Remembering Our Fallen Week: Passive Aggressive Phone Message

The past came alive for Clarence Thomas on the anniversary of his best job interview ever. Sarah Palin sucked face with a dog, which was okay because it was a patriotic AMERICAN breed, unlike a certain filthy PORTUGUESE dog, Bo...

Our Fallen Week: When Christine Rode Rockers and Teabaggers Were Nazis

If only we had done our job fighting the Soviets in the 1980s, like Christine O'Donnell wanted, we might not be in this Muslim-mess. The much-anticipated sequel to Who's Nailin' Palin, TLC's Sarah Palin's Alaska got a steamy new...

Remembering Our Fallen Week: Notes From the Culture of Death

According to Mormonism, when Glenn Beck dies and goes to Joseph Smith’s polygamous compound in the sky, he will become a god and some poor baby universe will have to deal with GL-NN as their personal Yahweh. T-Palin got very...

Remembering Our Fallen Week: Shake It To Make It Work

Newsboy Jim Lehrer retired his abacus and messenger pigeons for a newfangled iPhone. CNN anchor Rick Sanchez invented the hottest new Internet meme since LOLCats and TruckNutz combined: Jews secretly control the media! Why has no one thought...

Remembering Our Fallen Week: Idiocy of the Majority

All-natural tangerine dreamboat John Boehner was accused of boehning the shit out of a lobbyist, instead of just proverbially fucking them for campaign cash. The scrotal sack known as the Democratic party was so limp and floppy (from constant teabagging)...

Remembering Our Fallen Week: Falling Into Godspell

Yahweh (The Comedy God) gifted America with our newest, HOTTEST reincarnation of Ronald Reagan, the Elvin princess Christine O’Donnell. After losing her freshly minted angel wings (to witchcraft), Xtine became Christianity’s official Mistress of Masturbation, banning all forms of self-pleasure,...

Remembering Our Fallen Week: Worst Week Since Last

Alvin Greene, America's first Daoist statesman, offered your Wonkette the opportunity of several reincarnated lifetimes. Wonkette Cribs took an all-access tour of Senate candidate Joe Miller’s sweet (creepy) Alaskan love shack. The illegal Messican version of Mr. Smith...