pt winning the future

WINNING THE FUTURE  8:05 pm August 12, 2011

GOP Debate Winner Barack Obama Says No More Press Releases

by Blair Burke

If you watched last night’s horror movie about what will happen when the world explodes in 2012, then maybe you are thinking to yourself, “That Barack Obama, he may be a secret Muslin terrorizing the economy, but maybe he is also all right.” And that is because the Ultimate Secret to winning a GOP debate [...]

WINNING THE FUTURE  12:32 am April 26, 2011

Obamas Host Friendly Egg Roll While Illegal Robot Wars Continue Abroad

by Riley Waggaman

President Obama hosted an impromptu Christian egg-thing on his lawn this morning, probably because he forgot to send out a “Happy Easter!” eCard and needed to cover his ass. Your Wonkette had the panache to attend this family event and then ask Barack Obama a mean-spirited question about an American citizen who has been held [...]

WINNING THE FUTURE  2:48 pm March 11, 2011

Reminder: Pull Over the Side of the Road This Weekend With Sarah Palin Fans

by Jack Stuef

WONKETTE ACTION ALERT: Reminder: this Sunday is Stand Up America’s “Just Stop!” event, when (two or three) people across the country will get on a major road and pull over to the side of the road in a nonsensical expression of support for Sarah Palin and such. • Imagine others driving by wondering “what the [...]

WINNING THE FUTURE  11:02 pm March 9, 2011

Washington OKs New Wireless System To Cripple GPS, Cell Phones & Jets

by Ken Layne

Good news on the U.S. infrastructure front: The FCC has approved a weird new national wireless system that will maybe create some new jobs! The bad news, according to USA Today, is that the powerful new cell towers “will create vast zones where motorists can’t find GPS directions, smart phones will lose functionality, and 911 [...]

WINNING THE FUTURE  4:15 pm January 26, 2011

Man With Pencil: Christians Should Abandon Democracy, Support Dictator

by Jack Stuef

Look, sooner or later, the evangelical Christians were going to lose out on this democracy thing. There’s just not enough of them for their views to supersede the desired liberties of the majority. If they want to hold on to power, they’re going to have to return to their roots by supporting a new dictatorship. [...]


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