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  wingnuts furious

Americans Very Angry King Barack And Ugly Wife Did Not Have Mac And Cheese With Cut-Up Hot Dogs For Valentine’s Dinner

We try not to delve too often into comments sections for material, because honestly. But this, the day after Valentine’s Day, is one of those occasions where it’s sort of impossible not to. Did you know that Barack Obama took his wife out to dinner last night, to the hip new Jose Andres place? Did you also know that people are INSANE? Yes, Barack Obama flew home from Atlanta in time for his dinner date with the beautiful First Lady, and Yahoo News commenters went full Victoria Jackson. (Because Barack Obama was not supposed to fly home from Atlanta, we guess, but should have either taken a Greyhound bus or stayed in Atlanta forever.) There are your usual comments about monkeys and heaping platters of baby back ribs and buckets of KFC, but those are to be expected, because “postracial.” What interests us more is the SCIENCE FACT that since Barack Obama broke the economy and personally put all those millions of takers out of work, he and his ugly wife (did you know that Michelle Obama is ugly? We are sorry to say that this too is SCIENCE FACT) should be eating leftover meatloaf and mac and cheese with cut up hot dogs like Yahoo commenters do. Let us look, together, at how Yahoo commenters think a taxpayer-funded salary is supposed to work. Read more on Americans Very Angry King Barack And Ugly Wife Did Not Have Mac And Cheese With Cut-Up Hot Dogs For Valentine’s Dinner…
  wingnuts furious

Get Ready For Your Boycott And Counter-Boycott, Dos Equis

When the Most Interesting Man in the World holds a fundraiser for a certain Kenyan Anti-Colonial Marxist Communist Voodoo Witch, how do you think the Teatards feel about it? Happy? They feel happy, right? (Spoiler: They do not feel happy.) Well, we are getting to see this in action, because some sexy old beast is having a money-party for some other sexy beast, and so they are flocking to Dos Equis’ Facebook page to promise never to buy their Messican beer again! Read more on Get Ready For Your Boycott And Counter-Boycott, Dos Equis…
  wingnuts furious

Obama Outrageously Politicizes 4th Of July Naturalization Ceremony By Mentioning Immigration

One of the nicer Independence Day traditions in this country is the swearing-in of new citizens by the President of the USA. Jaded though we may be in this modern age of instant worldwide communications, 24-hour news cycles, and flying robotic kittycat death drones, we nevertheless actually get a little misty-eyed at the idea that, on the holiday celebrating the nation’s founding, the actual freakin’ PRESIDENT welcomes a bunch of new citizens to enjoy the full rights and responsibilities of being Americans. It’s really kind of awesome. Ah, but not so fast, you sentimental goons! What if that POTUS is himself maybe an illegal alien (we’re not saying he is, but the question has been raised by some) who thinks that maybe it would be a good idea to not deport every last foreign-born child ever? Then we are talking about an entirely different kettle of Indonesian flying fish! And even worse, what if that POTUS uses the occasion of that citizenship ceremony to suggest that American immigration policy might possibly be changed? Well, then, friends and neighbors, what you have is an unprecedented politicization of a sacred national day! Breitbart editor Ben Shapiro, that Platonic Ideal of a bloviating wingnut, is terribly sad for America, because “Even on July 4, President Obama can’t stop campaigning.” Inconceivable! How could a President even think of the election on the 4th of July in an election year? Read more on Obama Outrageously Politicizes 4th Of July Naturalization Ceremony By Mentioning Immigration…