WHY DID GOD CAUSE THE FINANCIAL MELTDOWN? “You’re not just losing your job and your house and your future, but you won’t even need a future, because Jesus is coming back to kill us all.” [AOL Political Machine]

Times are tough, and nothing is funny, but sometimes the “real” God (the Economy) plays an amusing prank on various fools who bet on the fake god: “Oral Roberts University will lay off about 100 employees, days after it agreed to a near-$450,000 separation agreement with its former president who resigned amid a spending scandal. The layoffs represent roughly 10 percent of the university’s work force.” PS: You don’t really need to go to “university” to be a religious nut, so don’t worry! [Associated Press/NewsOK]

Oil hit a new record price today, hooray! It briefly touched $146.23 a barrel before settling down to the much more normal price of, er, $145.85. A gallon of gasoline is averaging $4.09 in the patriotic United States — with D.C. at $4.16, New York at $4.30 and West Coast prices over $4.50. Why do they keep going up, up, up? Because some goddamned Christians are showing up at gas stations and praying, that’s why. MORE »

Oh look, a whole church exploded in “downtown Oconomowoc, Wisconsin” on Wednesday. Why is God (or the Devil) so angry at America, and so pissed at Wisconsin, in particular? The answers may surprise you, as will a lot more spooky pictures of this terrible disaster, after the jump. MORE »