On October 11 we’ll get a preview of Sarah Palin’s future career: a former insta-celebrity akin to a reality show star who flies around the country to show her face at sports games and clubs and say funny slogans like “Dontchaknow?” for five minutes to a bunch of drunks. Her rate will be $200 in scratch-off tickets, a Bud Lite-sponsored dildo and two baskets of fried shit for supper. This is her future, and it all kicks off October 11 when she drops the hockey puck at a Philadelphia Flyers game alongside some hockey mom contest winner. She has no idea what she’s getting into. MORE »

St. Barack Obama is sick of you redneck losers saying he’s a Secret Muslim because you got an email from your unemployed brother-in-law in Idaho — you know, the same Coors-sodden loser who forwards you the stuff about how Bill Clinton did 9/11 and NASA faked the moon landing because they are all FREEMASONS. Really, Obama has had it with you white trash and your halfwit notions. MORE »