Congratulations, the War on Xmas is over. And guess who lost? Christmas! And the economy. Especially the economy. Looks like all the 70%-off sales in the world can’t squeeze money out of people with no money and no credit. It’s almost as if Santa left a lump of shit coal for U.S. Retailers! How many other variations of Seasonal Cliche can we squeeze out of American journalists and economists? MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Hey, everybody, have you heard about the economies? Of course, your Wonkette staffers spend their days luxuriating in the well-appointed, mahogany-trimmed, Campbell Brown-subsidized Wonkette HQ, but we are given to understand that things in the outside world aren’t going so great, money-wise! In fact, this li’l economic downturn has even affected Christmas, a holy day of religious significance that nobody has ever previously connected to the vulgar machinations of commerce in any way. Cartoonists show you how bad it’s gotten, after the jump. MORE »

Finally. The children are nestled in stockings or whatever, asleep, and Christmas 2008 is over, and hopefully it was all right — jesus fucking christ and hopefully it did not go as horrifically wrong as this, or this, and what were we talking about again? Where is the bottle, of whisky? Let’s have a nice song from Mr. Tom Waits, about Minneapolis and hookers and Silent Night. We’ll see you later on Friday, and Truck Nutz 4 All.

Oh hi, people. This is your holiday editor of the day, wishing you good seasons &c. It is too bad your editor’s fucking plane can’t get to Portland (Oregon), ever, so he is back home again, where there is also a new blizzard, and many feet of tragic snow! Hope your holiday travels worked out a little bit better, and if not, well, that’s why motherfuckin’ baby jesus invented alcohol and pills and the marijuana. [STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL MYSTERY LINK]

Listen up, PAGANS. If you have already bought your mom another embroidered LL Bean sweater and your dad another set of drills and your sister another, fuck it, another pumpkin pie-scented candle, then the only person left on your Xmas Holiday Shopping List is probably the oxycontin addicted eunuch who lives in your basement listening to Michael Savage and forwarding emails about Barack Obama’s birth certificate. Jesus has invented a gift for these losers! It’s a Sarah Palin calendar, specially equipped with pre-drilled bonin’ holes. MORE »

Here they are, the two leaders of the Free World, exchanging a sexy “knuckle bump” under the new White House Christmas Tree. No wonder the transition to the Obama Administration is going so smoothly … these two were in on it. [White House]

Still sad because False Unicorn Barack Obama won’t legalize it? Here’s heroic Texan Willie Nelson, dressed as the Angel Mohammad, bringing the gift of ganja to the Baby Jesus. This is apparently from a Stephen Colbert Christmas Special (?!), so Happy Xmas. [High Times]

There is no finer Yuletide tradition than kidnapping or decapitating the hated Baby Jesus dolls put out in public at this time of year by the very people who would be most upset by the kidnapping or decapitation of Baby Jesus dolls. It is a terrible outrage, this thing that happens every year, everywhere. Let’s enjoy a Children’s Treasury of 2008 Childish Attacks on U.S. Nativity Scenes. Talk about making the Baby Jesus cry! MORE »

You know who that presumptuous half-breed muslin Barack Obama doesn’t compare himself to nearly enough? Our greatest president, Richard Nixon! Celebrate the season with this creepy recording from the good old days. [YouTube/Pareene]

Here’s your favorite Xmas-card Congresslady, Loretta Sanchez, riding a hovercraft on her new horrible Christmas Card, paid for by the proud donors to Sanchez ‘68 Forever, LLC. While nothing will ever top the “Pet the Cat” card from, what, 2006?, we can all be proud that an actual congressperson is sending this stuff out to her fellow Americans, because why not. [OC Register]

Look at this creep, with his terrorist beard. His name is legion, or “Sinter Klass,” which means Karl Marx, because this is a photograph of the grave of the unrepentant Marxist, Karl Marx. Even his name is Marxist. An Australian person has written these words: “First, Father Christmas is a dead ringer for the Father of Communism. Second, he dresses top-to-bottom in red! Third, the whole idea of Father Christmas reindeering and sleighing around the world with a giant sack full of presents shrieks of commie propaganda.” [Australian]