Tag: pt war on xmas

‘Twas the Night Before Iowa … (A Visit From St. Reagan)

'Twas the night before Iowa, when all through the state, The wingnuts were fuming, their heads fat with hate. The caucus was planned, in just over a week, Yet the GOP candidates were unelectable freaks! The reporters were nestled in bedbug motels. Their noses...

Major Investigation: Capitol Xmas Tree Lacks Jesus-Themed Ornaments

The Christian News Service has done a careful study of five of the five thousand donated ornaments on the Capitol Christmas Tree, and the findings are not pretty. Two out of these five ornaments were about Barack Obama, and...

War On Christmas Started By Hitler, Because of Advent Calendars

Every year about this time, the nation opens the "advent calendars" of its secret CIA prisons all over the world to say "hi" to the people always plotting against us by waging a War on Christmas. But did you...

To Complement Your Freedom Tray: The Steering Wheel Computer Desk

So you get yr Freedom Tray and load it with Cheesesteak Burgers and fried tumor pies and a bucket o'cola and sit it write there on yr crotch, while driving, and congrats you're supporting the troops. But how can...

Buy A Calendar Of Hot Pin-Up Model Sarah Palin

Listen up, PAGANS. If you have already bought your mom another embroidered LL Bean sweater and your dad another set of drills and your sister another, fuck it, another pumpkin pie-scented candle, then the only person left on your...

Wise Man Willie Brings Dope To Baby Jesus

Still sad because False Unicorn Barack Obama won't legalize it? Here's heroic Texan Willie Nelson, dressed as the Angel Mohammad, bringing the gift of ganja to the Baby Jesus. This is apparently from a Stephen Colbert Christmas Special (?!),...

HELP WONKETTE WITH OUR ANNUAL WAR ON XMAS GIFT GUIDE! We are almost done with this year's Gift Guide, but we need your suggestions (with links) to actually, er, help us type it up. Email your real true fun/terrible...