Still sad because False Unicorn Barack Obama won’t legalize it? Here’s heroic Texan Willie Nelson, dressed as the Angel Mohammad, bringing the gift of ganja to the Baby Jesus. This is apparently from a Stephen Colbert Christmas Special (?!), so Happy Xmas. [High Times]

There is no finer Yuletide tradition than kidnapping or decapitating the hated Baby Jesus dolls put out in public at this time of year by the very people who would be most upset by the kidnapping or decapitation of Baby Jesus dolls. It is a terrible outrage, this thing that happens every year, everywhere. Let’s enjoy a Children’s Treasury of 2008 Childish Attacks on U.S. Nativity Scenes. Talk about making the Baby Jesus cry! MORE »

You know who that presumptuous half-breed muslin Barack Obama doesn’t compare himself to nearly enough? Our greatest president, Richard Nixon! Celebrate the season with this creepy recording from the good old days. [YouTube/Pareene]

After dreaming about winning both an Olympic Gold Medal and golf’s Ryder Cup tournament, in two-dimensions, George Bush’s dog Barney is awoken by the president himself. “You better wake up fella,” George Bush tells the dog. “There’s a lot of work to do around here.” Then George Bush makes Barney decorate the entire White House, which he does by running around aimlessly for a few seconds. Michael Phelps is in the White House, watching, judging. Why doesn’t Mrs. Beasley ever get to do anything? Sexism. Anyway, this is a great video for America right now. [YouTube]

Here’s your favorite Xmas-card Congresslady, Loretta Sanchez, riding a hovercraft on her new horrible Christmas Card, paid for by the proud donors to Sanchez ‘68 Forever, LLC. While nothing will ever top the “Pet the Cat” card from, what, 2006?, we can all be proud that an actual congressperson is sending this stuff out to her fellow Americans, because why not. [OC Register]

Look at this creep, with his terrorist beard. His name is legion, or “Sinter Klass,” which means Karl Marx, because this is a photograph of the grave of the unrepentant Marxist, Karl Marx. Even his name is Marxist. An Australian person has written these words: “First, Father Christmas is a dead ringer for the Father of Communism. Second, he dresses top-to-bottom in red! Third, the whole idea of Father Christmas reindeering and sleighing around the world with a giant sack full of presents shrieks of commie propaganda.” [Australian]

Oh look what your editor stumbled upon, yesterday, while researching the George W. Bush Jr. Xmas Gift Guide: It’s Florida Erection, the cult-classic homosexual pornography telling of the 2000 recount in Florida! Here, from the cover copy: “Hundreds of cum-drenched ballots are ignored by Florida Secretary of State Harris (Lana Luster) when she declares George Gush the winner.” MORE »

FIVE-DOLLAR GEORGE W. BUSH GIFT GUIDE: “Nothing says Kwanzaa, or ‘good will,’ like choosing a cheap, mean George W. Bush-themed trinket for your idiot relatives who actually voted for that clown.” [AOL Political Machine]

Well isn’t this beautiful? No? Right, it’s a design disaster. Maybe Photoshop should require an Operator’s License with annual testing. That would create jobs! Anyway, here is your latest Wonkette War On Xmas gift suggestion, this terrible fucking plate, which looks like it should be the hubcap of a blinged-out compact car with those gay rims that inexplicably stick out from the little tires, and maybe an Old Spice air freshener in the shape of a pine tree with a picture of Tupac or the Pope or somebody. $39.95, for this piece of shit. Get it for some insufferable Obamatard you secretly loathe, and shame them into displaying it, forever. [Obama Collector Plates]

Friends and enemies, it is time to put aside our irrevocable partisan differences and unite in the pursuit of inexpensive yet offensive X-mas/Kwanzaa/Ramadan/Channukah/Jedi gifts for our few friends and many enemies. In these troubled times of National Doom, you want a present that is a) cheap, and b) either wonderful or truly horrific. But the gift must not be some wacky novelty manufactured for the sake of laffs. It must be terribly sincere. (Unless it’s not!) What we’re saying is, how many prints of a burly, naked Barack Obama riding a unicorn to victory will you be buying this year? MORE »

HELP WONKETTE WITH OUR ANNUAL WAR ON XMAS GIFT GUIDE! We are almost done with this year’s Gift Guide, but we need your suggestions (with links) to actually, er, help us type it up. Email your real true fun/terrible Wonkette gift ideas with the subject line SANTA HURTED ME. Special insider editor talk after the jump! MORE »