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Mensa spokesman STEPHEN HAWKING, who would have been murdered with Zyklon B if he lived in the UK, was spotted lunching in DC with a group of EIGHT OTHER PEOPLE — one of whom was sporting an “American flag tank top.” Was Stephen enjoying a leisurely snack with the children of CAMP HAWKING, where campers [...]
Professor of Hispanic Studies NEWT GINGRICH — known in academia for his celebrated dissertation on RACIALISM — has taken on new intellectual pursuits, namely: comparing stuff, like JIMMY CARTER and BARACK OBAMA. “There are certain parallels that are kind of eerie,” says Professor Gingrich. “For example, Jimmy Carter enjoys half and half in his coffee, [...]
Harlem Globegringo WILLIAM JEFFERSON CLINTON stopped by Z Burger in Tenleytown to pick up a light snack. And what did he order? “A double burger, onion rings, french fries, an apple pie milkshake,” a piece of chocolate cake, ice cream, a pickle, Swiss cheese, some salami, a lollipop, a slice of cherry pie, a sausage, [...]
Meghan McCain Twitter-biographer MEGHAN McCAIN has special maternal feelings for sexy senator LINDSEY GRAHAM (R-SC), who served with distinction as First Mate aboard the Straight Talk Express. The two were practically inseparable on the campaign trail, and during long cold nights, Lindsey would often sit on Meghan’s WARM LAP as she French-braided his GOLDEN TOUPEE. [...]
Yesterday Your Diligent Gossip Monger spent literally hours at the CAMPUS PROGRESS NATIONAL CONFERENCE, which was held at a terrible MINOTAUR-INFESTED LABYRINTH known as the Omni Shorem Hotel. 1,400 young communists came from all corners of the Soviet Union to discuss Obama’s FIVE-YEAR PLAN and to hear HOT CELEBRITIES talk about HIP-HOP and AK47s. Too [...]
Our dear friend ERIC KLEEFELD from Talking Points Memo recently wrote a provocative comic-book review, complete with professional-grade scans! Well guess what Eric? SOMEONE ELSE received a complimentary copy of False Witness: The Michele Bachmann Story, and you’re not the only one who got a fancy Epson scanner for Yom Kippur from JOSH MARSHALL ….
Renaissance Man PAUL WOLFOWITZ was spotted with a hot date last Friday at the Studio Theater. Sources say they overheard Wolfowitz telling his female friend what a marvelous time he was having and how it reminded him of the time he saw Moonstruck with SUHARTO while serving as Ambassador to Indonesia and how after the [...]
YOURS TRULY was enjoying a noontime visit to DC’s famous HOLOCAUST MUSEUM with a friend today, only to leave at 12:40 to quench the thirst with a smoothie from TANGYSWEET — just moments before a WHITE SUPREMACIST ANTI-SEMITE started a gun battle with museum security guards! And now a hero security guard has died, protecting [...]
Meet our new Washington Society Gossip, Intern Riley! DC will sparkle like never before! Nutty congresslady VIRGINIA FOXX (R-NC) says Matthew Shepard’s murder was a “hoax,” and then she said “tar baby” on the House floor, and now her staff is broadcasting its drunken office parties “on taxpayer time.” Thanks for the laughs, Virginia ….
