Tag: pt wagg the bog

Sarah Palin Smells Like Taint, and Barack Obama Lets Turkeys Win

Fear not, patient wingnuts! SARAH PALIN knows what it feels like to wait and wait and wait and wait for a celebrity JOHN HANCOCK. She knows what it's like to practically die from hypothermia and disappointment. Yes, she has...

Mark Foley Misses The Good Life, And Levi Johnston Fears Sarah’s Evil Cackle

Hoochiemama! Teenage cumsicle LEVI JOHNSTON shan't be accepting the generous Turkey Day invitation from SARAH PALIN, who selflessly offered her home to Levi on national teevee! "You could tell by her laugh she was full of it," explained Levi....

Marco Rubio Downloads Sarah Palin’s Brain Torrent, And The RNC Goes Green

In an effort to reduce its carbon footprint, the REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE has pledged to recycle smear campaigns and political spin! Yes, MICHAEL STEELE has finally done it! He's bringing back all your favorites: "flip-flopper" ... WILLIE HORTON ......

The Pentagon Sewer Monster Is Watching You, And Joe Wilson Is Hired As A Male Escort

Hot date! Southern gentleman and rhetorician REP. JOE WILSON (R-SC) has been given the honor of escorting German Chancellor-Frau ANGELA MERKEL to the 20th annual Berlin Wall Ball. But will Joe be ready for the big night? Where will...

Barack Obama Tolerates Too Much, And What Mortal Could Match The Splendor That Is Ronald Reagan?

Gee whiz, not even plague-ridden rodents phase BARACK OBAMA! It's true: Once upon a time young Barry Obama was talking on the telephone -- as Chicago lawyers often do -- when quite out of nowhere a grimy rat...

Newt Gingrich Highly Recommends Newt Gingrich’s New Treatise, And Donald Trump Wants His Tits Back

Good gravy, the GAZONGA COLLECTORS are after former California Biddie of the Year CARRIE PREJEAN! Poor Carrie signed a six-month lease on her enormous ta-ta job, but now she doesn't want to make the monthly payments because seriously,...

Wannabe Sarah Palins Want Your Unwrapped Razor Blade Candy, And Wolfgang Puck Keeps The Peace

Stray boys and cats are already camping outside of Target in hopes of procuring a SARAH PALIN NAUGHTY ALASKAN MAID HALLOWEEN COSTUME (one size fits all). Complete with a moose pelt mini skirt, an apron/Twitter feed, a GOP debit...

Michael Bloomberg Seeks A Third Term As Mayor Of Tennessee, And Marco Rubio Calls Republicans ‘Uppity’

It's official: Poo poo platter BILL O'REILLY wants to finger-bang the snot out of Minnesota Medusa MICHELE BACHMANN. Say no, Michele! You have a husband, a family -- What would your son GRENDEL think? Baby Jesus himself would probably...

Chuck Grassley Lost A Limb At Antietam, And Sanjay Insists Anderson Cooper Has The Seven Signs Of The Aporkalypse

In the name of Her Majesty and the Continental Congress! According to some sort of 'Save Glenn Beck' online petition, Americans overwhelmingly chose WALMART as the symbol of our great Union! Other popular symbols that didn't make the cut:...

Meghan McCain Joins The Circus, And Mark Foley Has A New Radio Show, ‘What Are You Wearing?’

What does MEGHAN McCAIN want to be when she grows up? An astronaut? A syndicated Twitterer? Balderdash! Meghan dreams of a simple life in the circus, as a lion tamer or a contortionist or something. But Meghan is...

Dick Cheney Goes Soft, And Eliot Spitzer Wants To Get Hard

Heavens! The DEBT COLLECTORS are in hot pursuit of America's prized orator, JOE WILSON! Apparently Joe purchased 30,000 "I'm With Myself" tee shirts with his credit card, because he forgot to buy his wife something nice for 9/11. But...

John McCain Sucks at Fantasy Football, and Osama bin in Love

JOHN McCAIN cut himself ("down the highway" not "across the street") after NAVY lost to Ohio State, at American collegiate football. Hardly a surprise, considering those dapper Navy midshipmen can't even beat a bunch of dirty beatnik bookworms at...

Henry Paulson Has A Protein Spill, And Say Goodbye To Snail Mail

Remember when America was American as APPLE PIE, when you could call your congressman's office and enjoy the patriotic vibrations of MICHELE BACHMANN'S iTunes playlist while you were put on hold? Those days are over, because Caliph of the...

Crop Circles Hate On Obama, And Martha’s Vineyard Rips Hasty Gravity Bong

Oh wow, even ALIENS loathe socialist earthling emperor BARACK OBAMA! Justifiably furious about Obama's tentative plans to euthanize extra terrestrial grannies, ZENSUNNI WANDERERS from the planet ARRAKIS sculpted "Say no to Obama" into a field of Texan weeds, ...

Obama Nationalizes Puppy Care, And Uncle Berlusconi Would Like To Be With You, Alone

Creepy Italian sausage SILVIO "JUST CALL ME PAPI" BERLUSCONI cherishes his privacy. Sì, Berlusconi needs his special alone time, so he can mount meter maids and plow the dickens out of teenage models in peace. But why won't the...

Stephen Hawking Has Groupies, And Leon Panetta Spoons With Congress

Mensa spokesman STEPHEN HAWKING, who would have been murdered with Zyklon B if he lived in the UK, was spotted lunching in DC with a group of EIGHT OTHER PEOPLE -- one of whom was sporting an "American flag...