AND YOU THOUGHT WE WERE KIDDING ABOUT BELGIUM: No seriously they are a nation of treacherous villains, as evidenced by their “prison break problem.” Apparently dudes are constantly hijacking helicopters and using them to whisk criminals away from Belgian prisons, to the point where authorities have ordered “anti-helicopter wire netting” to put over prison yards. So the next time you get down on America, just remember that WE are not the people who have to put wire bonnets over our prisons to keep the criminals in. [GlobalPost]

Hey look they finally hired somebody who has some sort of vestigial sense of humor, and who has seen a movie in the last 40 years! Extra points for the closing shot, which cleverly suggests that Democrats = Pussy. Chew on this while your editor finds some coffee. [YouTube]

Monstrous wingnut Joseph Ratzinger somehow became pope a few years ago — this is because of ancient Catholic-Sith rules dictating that each “good pope” must be followed by a “loathsome beast.” But Ratzi is unique even among the Sith Popes, for he is the first Bishop of Rome to be an actual Nazi, for Hitler, in Nazi Germany. Jesus, talk about your breaking of historical barriers …. Obama’s got nothing on this creep! Anyway, Ratzinger comically lived up to expectations by supporting actual Holocaust-denying fellow wingnut bishops, and now he’s in Israel kissing ass, but luckily nobody believes his evil horseshit. MORE »

Now that it’s officially pre-2009, we can start guiltlessly recycling all the material we’ve already written into Top Ten Posts. Today’s took a surprisingly long time to compile. It seemed like a good idea to look at all the funny terms we used to describe our Political Enemies, and it turns out that phrases like “rancid shit-sack,” “vulgar fraud,” “human garbage,” and “cretin” turn up with shocking frequency around these parts. So, after the jump, a painstakingly culled collection of our favorite mean phrases we used to describe objectionable people such as Joe the Plumber, Eliot Spitzer, and of course our all-time favorite, the humanoid sewer-pipe and self-professed eternal virgin Joe Lieberman. MORE »

George W. lost the popular vote in 2000 and won by a slim 2% in 2004, but the least-loved president has finally achieved the overwhelming victory he always wanted — one in four Americans chose him as the No. 1 villain in the whole world! Bush totally beat also-ran villains such as Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden. MORE »