O’Reilly’s figured it out! MORE »

Do you people still check out the Drudge Report thing? Yeah we don’t really either. But Gawker tells us that nowadays Matt Drudge only posts articles about Barack Obama and Serena Williams and whatever other black people exist beating up white people and line judges everywhere, most likely on buses. Well, Matt’s given out your lead story assignment for the night, news anchors, so let’s have some rough drafts ready by four okay? [Gawker]

This is not just a wonderful video about .000005% of America’s Youth — most of them are still sitting in front of the video screen eating Crazy Bread, thank Allah! No, this here is part of an exciting contest! Beloved Austin comedian Alex Jones is making all the Truther/Paultard/Birthers do these embarrassing videos, maybe for a prize of some kind? MORE »

Fox & Friends’ Brian Kilmeade made a terrible buffoon of himself on the television this morning! You know why the Olds get Dementia and Alzheimer’s, in America? This is why: “We are — we keep marrying other species and other ethnics and other … See, the problem is the Swedes have pure genes. Because they marry other Swedes …. Fins marry other Fins, so they have a pure society.” Meaning: Ronald Reagan was a mulatto. [Salon, Gawker]

$20 and a Wonkette Tee Shirt to whoever steals Michele Bachmann’s dog. Just like that.

Contextual ads sure can be a bitch sometimes. So can regular, contracted ads that the website owner approves! But this is not to make light of the very terrible thing that did happen in Binghamton. [AP]

Oh look, it’s … uhh, who the hell is this supposed to be? The Rock? Let’s say The Rock. Many more insanely terrible paintings can be found at this website linked here. [Bad Paintings of Barack Obama]

Remember when hysterical allegations of massive voter fraud in Ohio and other ACORNy swing states became the McCain-Palin campaign’s last best chance to stop the half-breed Muslin from turning America into a wealthy modern superpower? Well, the investigation is finally finished in Ohio’s huge Hamilton County, home to the city of Cincinnati and some 900,000 people. You’ll never guess how many of them are voter-fraud criminals! MORE »

How could we let Thanksgiving end without sharing C.S.A. Colonel Saxby Chambliss and family’s warm regards? What a lovely surprise! And the children! They tell us to vote for their “Big Daddy,” gross. “Big Daddy” responds with a white-knuckled clench of the little girl’s breast. [YouTube]

Maybe it’s true! After all, Osama bin Laden would’ve never known about New York’s big Jewish population had Jesse not called it “Hymietown.” EVERYBODY WILL BE ISSUED NEW NAMES AT THE CONVENTIONS. [Morning Joe/MSNBC] UPDATE: Oh what the hell, Newell posted this like twelve hours earlier. Oh well, no way to take the post down now ….

Hey everybody, John McCain’s daughter “Meghan” has a blog all about, uh, “young professionals” and their alleged main activity, which is going to a John McCain campaign event in Phoenix, called the “Valley Ho.” The blog is only a few days old, but it can already make people cringe like a blog that’s been around for years! Oh and Cindy McCain is on crutches. She probably hurt herself breaking into a pharmacy.

McCain Bloggette