Tag: pt uhh …

A White House Staffer May Have His Fingers Amputated Because…?

Is President Obama going around the White House residence smashing staffers' fingers because his sheets didn't have proper hospital corners? The only correct answer can be "yes," because will you just look at what happened today: "A member of...

Americans Who Use U.S. Gov’t Social Programs Think They Don’t Use U.S. Gov’t Social Programs

You can forgive people who take legal tax breaks like the homeowner's mortgage deduction or child care deduction for saying they're not using government social programs -- most people would understand such a program to provide a benefit or...

Why Does This Congressman Want To Kill These Annoying Children?

People keep sending versions of this video today, and the videos keep popping up as "Removed by User," so there's something stinky going on, and we don't even know if this a "congressman," but maybe it is, and maybe...

UR DOING IT WRONG: "Americans who turn to terrorism and plot against the U.S. are now as big a concern as international terrorists, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano said Sunday."

The Best Phone Survey In Massachusetts Right Now

Where do the Teabaggers in Texas who are phone-banking Massachusetts households come up with this shit? "I just got a polling call about Martha Coakley. I also had to answer questions about gay marriage, Israel, and malaria, including this...

O’Reilly To Bachmann: Do People Hate You Just Because They Want To Bone You?

O'Reilly's figured it out! This starts about two minutes in, and is TERRIFYINGLY awkward -- even Michele Bachmann is disturbed: O’REILLY: Do you think — and this is an off-the-wall question. And I’m telling the audience...

Did They Carve A Backwards ‘B’ On The White Person’s Cheek Too, Matt?

Do you people still check out the Drudge Report thing? Yeah we don't really either. But Gawker tells us that nowadays Matt Drudge only posts articles about Barack Obama and Serena Williams and whatever other black people exist beating...

Fox & Friends Segment On Reducing Dementia Risks Naturally Turns Into 19th Century-Style Racial Theory Advertorial

Fox & Friends' Brian Kilmeade made a terrible buffoon of himself on the television this morning! You know why the Olds get Dementia and Alzheimer's, in America? This is why: "We are -- we keep marrying other species and...

Bachmann Keeps Guard Dog To Scare Socialists, Muslims Away

$20 and a Wonkette Tee Shirt to whoever steals Michele Bachmann's dog. Just like that.

Hey This Is NOT APPROPRIATE Matt Drudge

Contextual ads sure can be a bitch sometimes. So can regular, contracted ads that the website owner approves! But this is not to make light of the very terrible thing that did happen in Binghamton.

World’s Worst Obama Paintings

Oh look, it's ... uhh, who the hell is this supposed to be? The Rock? Let's say The Rock. Many more insanely terrible paintings can be found at this website linked here.

And A Happy Thanksgiving To You, Saxby Chambliss!

How could we let Thanksgiving end without sharing C.S.A. Colonel Saxby Chambliss and family's warm regards? What a lovely surprise! And the children! They tell us to vote for their "Big Daddy," gross. "Big Daddy" responds with a white-knuckled...

Dan Rather: Jesse Jackson Paved the Way For Osama Bin Laden

Maybe it's true! After all, Osama bin Laden would've never known about New York's big Jewish population had Jesse not called it "Hymietown." EVERYBODY WILL BE ISSUED NEW NAMES AT THE CONVENTIONS. UPDATE: Oh what the hell, Newell...