Vito Fossella, Staten Island’s beloved congressman, won America’s heart with his drunk driving, mistress-having, love-child-fathering ways. Of course, such a free spirit could not stay in Congress so he planned not to run for re-election. The Staten Island Republican Party searched and searched for somebody to run for Fossella’s spot, and all these people said, “Uh no thanks I have to floss my dog,” and finally a nice man named Frank Powers said “OK I’ll do it,” but now he is dead. Maybe our Vito will reconsider his retirement plans. Two more years! [SILive.com]