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Posts Tagged ‘threats’

THREATS

The Concept Of “Meghan McCain” Reaches Its Natural And Necessary Conclusion

Thursday, October 15th, 2009


Well! Now you have gone and done it! Meghan McCain is so furious about the lack of positive attention she received upon posting a photo of her boobs wearing a tank top that she is THISCLOSE to committing the unthinkable: not posting photos of herself online. Ha, no no, just kidding, obviously not that. …she is THISCLOSE to committing the unthinkable: leaving Twitter. MORE »


CAPTION CONTEST

Obama’s Message To World Leaders

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

Soft power.“And you just tell them, this is what I do to my friends.” [Official White House Photostream]


TODAY IN CAPITOL HILL MAIL

…This Does Not Appear To Be The Work Of A Teabagger

Tuesday, May 5th, 2009

A Hill staffer sends us this terrifying, confusing fax that just came in. Some Mexican just goin’ nuts. Complete insanity. What the fuck is this? “Borders are the arbitrary” WHAT? WHAT? Oh! The New Republic’s Jeffrey Rosen tells us that his legal friends heard from their legal friends who heard from Sally who heard from Stevie that this is clearly the work of that loudmouth Mexican idiot, Sonia Sotomayor.


WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS INVADE IRAQ AGAIN

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009
  • THIS WOULD EXPLAIN THE SHIFT TOWARDS CONFISCATION: See, it’s just like in our imaginations: “Local reports indicate that the practice of mailing actual tea bags to legislators has repeatedly raised security concerns, and sometimes forced the evacuation of congressional offices in anthrax-like scares.” Did you know that the actual “Republican Party” sanctions this? [HuffPo]

CENSORSHIP

‘Due To Security Concerns A Tea Bag Has Been Removed From This Mailing’

Monday, April 13th, 2009

A Hill staffer informs us that the Congressional Mail Room Security People are starting to go Code Mango on all tea bag anthrax letters, which is a tragedy, because now staffers can’t send us comical photos of the tea bags (unless they’re faxes!) And no more free treats for these poor worker bees! There’s always Nestle chocolate milk to steal, though. MORE »


TEABAGGER ART

Best Teabagging Threat EVER

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009

This latest one, it is a Masterpiece. A House staffer sends us this image and writes, “This is what we get in the House… apparently we don’t warrant actual teabags like the Senate, just a good ol’ teabagging by fax.” Ha ha, the House will always just be the poor man’s Senate. But how remarkable is this! The “value” wordplay was quite the deft maneuver. And look at the little dog lady in her window, barking. And CONTRACTS — MONITOR CONTRACTS. Jesus!


LOVE'LL GET YOU LIKE A CASE OF ANTHRAX

‘Illegals’ Leave Terrorist Piss Jugs On D.C. Sidewalk, Everybody Freaks

Thursday, August 14th, 2008

Oh no, some sort of 9/11 is happening in downtown D.C. today: “Authorities have closed portions of two downtown Washington streets as they investigate the discovery of several containers carrying an unknown substance. D.C. fire department spokesman Alan Etter says the containers were found on a sidewalk midday Thursday at the corner of 15th and I streets. Hazmat crews are working to determine what is inside the containers and who put them there.” The “air around the containers tested negative,” so it’s probably just urine. As far as who put them there, well: “A Spanish-language bible appears to be resting on top one of the containers.” The Bush Administration is expected to bomb a random brown country by nightfall. [WJLA]


CANADA

Tuesday, August 7th, 2007

A Louisiana stockbroker, enraged over changes to Canadian tax law, wrote to the Canadian finance minister that “I am going to cut your … throat … you can’t hide, I will find you” and “You have killed my business as a stockbroker … you have ruined my life and many of my clients life [sic] and I hear you think it is funny.” He was arrested and charged with two counts of “sending a threatening interstate communication”. Welcome to Canamerimexico, everybody! [The Globe and Mail]