Tag: pt this is why we can’t have nice things

This story has Bearing Arms AND Baring Arms in it!

Send Us Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Mentally Ill Kentuckians: Your Florida Roundup

Greetings, Wonketeers, from America’s Sam’s Cola, a state so strange and wondrous that all kinds of people are just dying to move here, and then some of them die here, because they are old. One of our newest denizens...
Yes he still blows a lot, always will

Sorry, Kansas, But Gov. Brownback Has To Spend All Your Money Stopping Bortions

Who is absolutely THE WORST Republican governor in U.S. America? Oh all of 'em, Katie? Correct! But Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback is trying super hard to be even more THE WORST than all the others combined. As if it...
Damn dirty longhairs

Musicians Dishonor Troops, Make The Baby Jesus Bald Eagle Cry

Did everyone catch the terrible Concert for Valor to honor our military veterans last night? We say it was terrible because some of the musicians took it upon themselves to dishonor the troops, the flag, the bald eagle, Mom,...

Wellesley Women Don’t Know Much About Art But They Know What They Don’t Like

Wellesley womyn, we applaud you. You saw an injustice, and you demanded change. Oh, wait, no. You saw a piece of art, "The Sleepwalker" by Tony Matelli, and said it was offensive and scared you and triggered you and made...

Congresslout Dana Rohrabacher Missed Getting On ‘Hoarders’ By *This* Much

You'd like to think that if you were renting your million-dollar California house to a freakin' congressman they'd take decent care of the place, wouldn't you? You know, unless maybe it was Sen. John Blutarsky or the Hon. Oscar...

John McCain’s Hurt Feelings Will Run Your Life Forever, America

Hey Americans! Do you like governance by snit? OF COURSE YOU DO. What country wouldn't want its fate determined by petty grievances and your leaders generally acting like whiny little bitchcakes towards one another? We sure do love it!...

Newark Tries To Murder Cory Booker

America, have you enjoyed your Cory Booker? He has been your American superhero, your bright shining full-of-integrity star in the awful firmament of American politics. He saves ladies from burning buildings. He has a Gosling-style tumblr dedicated to him....

Noted Humanitarian Rush Limbaugh To Be Honored At Missouri Statehouse

National treasure and beloved American public intellectual Rush Limbaugh will join Great Communicators Walter Cronkite, Mark Twain, and Charlie Parker and some others (Harry S Truman, Bob Barker, and John Ashcroft) in the Show Me state's .... nope....