pt the homosexuals!

THE HOMOSEXUALS!  3:27 pm November 17, 2011

Marcus Bachmann Asks Gay Guy to Pay For Services Not Performed

by Evan Hurst

Your Wonkette reporter of homosexuals is very sad to report that Republican presidential candidate and famous Congresslady Michele Bachmann’s silver-maned heterosexual dreamboat needs some cash. $150, to be exact. No, it is not for a beautiful new wig or one of those special fake-booby things that drag queens wear! Stop being silly, everyone. It’s just [...]

THE HOMOSEXUALS!  1:38 pm August 10, 2011

Rick Santorum Exposes Horrors of Gay Marrying With Boozey Metaphors

by Evan Hurst

Hello, everyone, it’s your Reporter of the Homosexuals, risen from the ashes like the phoenix once again, here to bring you glad tidings of icky gayness and Rick Santorum. It’s getting hard out there for a bigot, it is, as pretty much every euphemistic argument they’ve come up with in order to avoid clutching their [...]

THE HOMOSEXUALS!  1:13 pm March 23, 2011

God-Fearing Gay-Curing iPhone App Destroyed By Homosexual Radicals

by Evan Hurst

Well, well, well, you say, look who’s rolling up into the Wonkette like he never left!  That is right, it is your Reporter of the Homosexual Menace, who has been frankly quite busy lately with his full-time gig at another pro-America website. But he is here to gloat about his organization condemn the activities of [...]

THE HOMOSEXUALS!  4:39 pm September 27, 2010

HomoCon Attendees’ Nipples Still Hard From Ann Coulter’s Anti-Gay Slurs

by Evan Hurst

When GOProud, the only American group catering to the feelings of wingnut butt goblins, announced that they were going to have a big “HomoCon” party this past weekend, the Internet said “whatever” and went back to fantasizing about Justin Bieber.  When it was announced that the expired entertainer known as “Ann Coulter” would be headlining, [...]

THE HOMOSEXUALS!  3:19 pm September 14, 2010

Jeebus Lady Cindy Jacobs Repents For All Lesbians, Cleanses Craigslist

by Evan Hurst

Your Wonkette reporter of The Homosexuals is back bearing good news, or as they like to call it in church, “a new gospel”: All of the world’s lesbians have been fully repented for! This happened last week, in Sacramento, at a big Jesus party thrown by My Boyfriend Lou Engle. Though he has failed utterly in [...]

THE HOMOSEXUALS!  9:37 am August 26, 2010

Ken Mehlman’s Official Gay Coming-Out Party Happening Now!

by Evan Hurst

Rumors about former RNC chair Ken Mehlman’s Complete Gayness have been swirling around for years and years.  Mike Rogers outed him several years back, as part of his campaign to rid the political world of homosexuals who cynically use the rest of the gay community as bait in order to convince rubes, yahoos, bumpkins and [...]

THE HOMOSEXUALS!  4:40 pm August 12, 2010

Ann Coulter to Blame for Gayest Wingnut Slapfight Ever

by Evan Hurst

Did everybody hear about the big shame-party that the homosexual conservatives are throwing in New York City for Ann Coulter?  If this news missed you, worry not, for there likely will be tickets available until several weeks after the event. But let’s catch up.  This group is not kidding when they call themselves “GOProud” — [...]

THE HOMOSEXUALS!  1:24 pm August 2, 2010

Everyone Boycotting Everything For Gayness and Jesus Purposes

by Evan Hurst

ACTION ALERT! You may not be aware that there are products and services you are supposed to be boycotting right now, so your Wonkette reporter of homosexuals is here to save the day! Things used to be much simpler, back when the American Family Association was boycotting McDonald’s for their excessive gayness, by leaving hilarious [...]

THE HOMOSEXUALS!  3:13 pm July 19, 2010

Jewish ‘Ex-Gay’ Group JONAH Pioneers ‘Take Off Your Pants, Touch Yourself’ Method of De-Gayification

by Evan Hurst

Do you find yourself to be “gay and Jewish,” but wish you could shake the “gay” part? Well, then just remove your pants, stand in front of this mirror and stroke yourself for me, and you’ll be the lady-romancing “Eric Cantor” of your local shul before you know it! The senior counselor for JONAH, (Jews [...]

THE HOMOSEXUALS!  10:21 am July 13, 2010

Selfless Drag Queen Teaches Republican Politicians Valuable Lesson About Honesty

by Evan Hurst

This is the spirit of America right here: A drag queen named “Sherry Vine,” who had been busying herself up to this point doing parodies of Lady GaGa videos, answered the call of a weeping nation and decided to teach our Closeted Homosexual Republicans about the virtue of HONESTY, via, of course, a Lady GaGa [...]

THE HOMOSEXUALS!  9:55 am July 7, 2010

Catholic Priest Sex Scandal Mysteriously Does Not Involve Child Molestation

by Evan Hurst

This is unbelievable: What kind of a Catholic priest ARE you if your sex scandals are just a bunch of lame missionary gay butt sex? You’d better spice it up with a drug ring or something … oh, larceny? Okay, then, larceny it is.

THE HOMOSEXUALS!  3:55 pm July 5, 2010

Rev. Lou Engle and His Three-Story-Tall Homosexual Jesus Giant

by Evan Hurst

Hello, I am your new Wonkette reporter of The Homosexuals, and what they are thrusting upon society, or what is being thrusteth upon them. Sometimes I will post a round-up of what is going on that you might not have heard about, or maybe I will write about specific things related to The Homosexuals. It [...]


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