While all you libtards were just drunkenly having sex last November to create the new army of Kenyan Obama Babies to be born fully formed in His Image this summer, important conservative academics at our nation’s better think tanks were boldly thinking about ways to kill African Sea Pirates with laser weapons. [Heritage.org via Alex Pareene's gchat status]

NOBAMA, EVER: Did you know the (fake) Mumbai terror attacks will soon lead to a nuclear war and then Bush declares Martial Law and Obama can’t become president and then a rogue planet will come to kill us all? So sayeth the Internets. [Boing Boing]

Here is a video from the future. 2022, we estimate. A colony of highly advanced space monsters have posted it to YouTube. We learn that after Barack Obama finishes his presidency, he becomes John McCain’s maid in a shanty town. It also looks like John McCain becomes a black person at some point, except for his head, which will always be white as snow. Never forget. [YouTube]

The Office of Drug Control Policy told the Students for Sensible Drug Policy that they were much too busy locking up Tommy Chong to get to a recent FOIA request, and that they could expect some action on it some time in the year 2207. MORE »