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Officials Uncover Osama Bin Laden’s Inevitable Porn Stash

Hmm, Osama bin Laden was 1) a male who 2) sat around his house all day. Whatever could he have been up to? Oh, just THE most covert masturbation sessions in all of human history. That’s right—there was a porn stash in bin Laden’s compound. It was “extensive.” Oh no! Why did we heathen Americans have to make sexual intercourse so alluring to bin Ladne’s body? Now he’ll never get into heaven. He was so close to getting into heaven! “The pornography recovered in bin Laden’s compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan, consists of modern, electronically recorded video.” He had video equipment and liked porn; there is hope for an Osama bin Laden sextape after all! (Maybe it’s that one John Edwards made?) Read more on Officials Uncover Osama Bin Laden’s Inevitable Porn Stash…