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  space-based war on xmas

Tonight’s Lunar Eclipse/Winter Solstice: What You Need To Know

Tonight will be very exciting for the fancy elitists in our country who can locate the night sky: For the first time in four centuries, a total lunar eclipse will also mark the Winter Solstice. Also, it’s a Full Moon! And there’s a meteor shower tonight, too! This combination of science and paganism is exactly what the Baby Jesus fears the most this time of year — and America can hardly afford to have its national religious-consumer holiday spoiled by potentially Islamic forces of Nature. As always in our fragile nation, the crucial thing is to not be distracted by what’s going on all around us, because the American Way is to instead create some unpleasant diversion until “the threat passes” or everyone currently alive is dead. That’s why we’ve prepared this handy chart to help you prepare for tonight’s astronomical violence. Read more on Tonight’s Lunar Eclipse/Winter Solstice: What You Need To Know…