ALASKA LEGISLATURE REJECTS FAG-HATING KKK ‘LIMA BEAN’ RAPE JOKE MONSTER: We’ve lost Wayne Anthony Ross! Sarah Palin’s wingnut-to-end-all-wingnuts nominee for state Attorney General has been rejected by both houses of the Alaska legislature. Palin’s office released a snippy statement saying, “I’m surprised that legislators in this case really did not seem to represent their constituents and allowed themselves to be swayed by side issues.” Yes, side issues, like how HE LOVES RAPE. [ADN]

Ted Stevens is 85 years old and has served in the United States Senate since Reconstruction. He now has to leave, because he lost his latest re-election bid to some warm-blooded mammal from Anchorage. Join us as he delivers a stirring rendition of “Non, je ne regrette rien” before committing seppuku with a whale tusk. MORE »