This is a bit old by “news” standards, but famous television celebrities “Heidi and Spencer,” who are probably not even real, just holograms from space, went on the Alex Jones radio show recently to discuss the New World Order. You care about this. We are only two minutes in, but have already heard Heidi say that as a “Christian” she knew about the Antichrist, but didn’t know “who it was,” until she learned it was Barack Obama, the end. [Clusterstock]

• ARREST MARK SANFORD FOR WAR TREASON! Now that Mark Sanford has arbitrarily admitted that he saw Ms. Lady from Argentina seven times instead of three in the past year, and that he fingered millions of other ladies, he will finally be rendered to Azkaban for war crimes: “COLUMBIA, South Carolina (CNN) — The attorney general of South Carolina on Tuesday asked the state law enforcement division to review Gov. Mark Sanford’s travel records after the governor admitted to more visits with his mistress than previously disclosed.” [CNN]

Once or twice a year, we give in and post a “humor” video because it is just that good. (This means you can still keep not sending us links to the Daily Show, Colbert, Tina Fey, etc.) So, enjoy this “Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny’s” segment, which is just tragic and true.

Ha ha George Will: “Today it is silly for Americans whose closest approximation of physical labor consists of loading their bags of clubs into golf carts to go around in public dressed for driving steers up the Chisholm Trail to the railhead in Abilene.” It’s funny because it’s sort of true! We are a nation of wretched cowboy slobs. MORE »

So these pictures leaked out over the weekend, or Friday, whatever, your editor was still on vacation, in the firestorm, and these pictures of Sarah Palin being a public slob have been all over your Internets. At least one of them, anyway, which apparently caused ejaculations of starbursts in a certain subset of the emotionally crippled boy-wingnut population, because Palin’s ass and XXL logo t-shirt are visible. MORE »