George W. Bush’s armed phalanx of security goons did a piss-poor job of defending the President from the terrible threat of shoes the other day. Ever since the shoe bomber incident of 2001, every moran in America has known what a dangerous weapon a simple human foot-covering can be. So why did security screeners not notice an Iraqi journalist wearing these shoe-like objects that were, in fact, shoes? MORE »

Our favorite blog about nothing that we never read written by a 23-year-old unemployed airhead, Meghan McCain’s “McCain Bloggette,” is now the author of a children’s book about John McCain dropping bombs on children in Vietnam. Meghan signed copies of this book at some event we were NOT invited to, yesterday, at the RNC, and she tells People magazine that she’s super happy about her parents’ very slim chances of winning the White House, so she can move into Jenna Bush’s old room at the White House. [PEOPLE]

CALM DOWN NERDS: Famous person Josh Fruhlinger’s beloved “Cartoon Violence” will be back next week, and every week … starting next week. [Cartoon Violence]

Here is a video clip of John McCain declaring that he graduated fifth from the bottom of his class in the Naval Academy. This is supposed to make all you elitists turn purple with rage that such a terrible slacker would ever dare to run for president, when in fact it just shows that John McCain was cool, once: too cool for school, in fact, in the years before school was officially invented. The bit about his wife having to turn on his computer for him is just embarrassing, though. [YouTube via AmericaBlog]