December 11, 2013
John Boehner, the weepy, drunky Speaker of the House who quite honestly would be your Wonkette’s favorite person in the world if he were a weepy drunky Dem instead of a scaredy little buttboy for Congress’s teabags (can you even imagine how many shot glasses we would sell with his weepy mug on them?), said [...]
Here at Wonkette, we take our goal of bringing you Very Serious Legal News very seriously. Whether it is politicians getting busted for the sexytime, politicians getting busted for the sexytime, or politicians getting busted for the sexytime, we here at Wonkette are ON it. Sometimes sexytime isn’t so sexy, though! Sometimes ladies who deliver [...]
Do you see that lady? She is Nadia Lockyer, Alameda County, California, supervisor. Do you see that man? That is her husband, California state Treasurer Bill Lockyer. We know, right? So you could maybe understand why she has been having (allegedly) meth-feuled sex-tape sexytime with some dude she met in rehab (because of course), and [...]
It was so cold out on the National Mall last night, we saw a squirrel chewing off his nuts to warm his mouth with the spray of blood. Hey-o. Here is a video clip: View more news videos at: http://www.nbcwashington.com/video. [Via Washington City Paper]
Hooray for this person, in her stylish “Don’t Teabag On Me” tea-shirt. For some reason this is on the Huffington Post. Also, which Wonkette readers did this elaborate routine? [HuffPo]
The Wonkette copy desk alerts us that rumors on the Twitter suggest the Wonkette Halloween Nightwhore Party is going about as you’d expect.
It was 48 years ago today that Marilyn Monroe was literally sewn into a see-through gown and carried out to the stage of Madison Square Garden to serenade President John F. Kennedy for his birthday. LIFE photographer Bill Ray took this famous picture of Marilyn’s ass. And Hank Jones, the legendary jazz pianist who accompanied [...]
Oh ho ho! We won’t ask for details. What are the details, though?? Did the Jonas Brothers get access to Mike Allen’s top secret masturbatorium and underground network of slave-operated Sugar Caves? [Twitter]
California State Sen. Roy Ashburn, a major family values, anti-gay Republican father of four, also likes to FUCK MEN IN THE ASS. He was pulled over and given a DUI the other night while returning from a Sacramento gay nightclub. Riding in the car with him was another man whom Ashburn was going to rail [...]
BILL CLINTON SAVES LADIES FROM NORTH KOREA: Uhh, hooray! In a “private mission” rife with secret diplomatic motives and back-door conversations with the U.S. government, Bill Clinton hopped on a jetplane to North Korea, talked up Kim Jong Il for a while, probably offered him exclusive bidding rights to various natural resource contracts in autocratic [...]
Here is our old op-ed friend David Brooks, who has turned a lovely shade of Holiday Orange, talking about the sexy night when some old Republican senator was just putting the moves on anybody within old-man groping distance … even David Brooks!
*Cracks knuckles* TIME FOR THE POST OF THE CENTU– eh, nevermind, too mean. Just thought you all should be aware that the Proverbial Website has been discovered. Right now it’s mostly just a few… dudes… but down the road, its membership should easily surpass Hannidate’s. [Ron Paul Singles]
JOHN ‘NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2′ ENSIGN ADMITS SEX AFFAIR: Jesus, so much to post… this idiot, Republican Sen. John Ensign of Nevada, has admitted to having a sex affair with a female campaign staffer, in 2007 and 2008. Some aide in Ensign’s office outed the boss, whoops. So until we know more, *ahem*… PICS [...]
Here’s Joe Biden this morning telling us all that we’re going to die if we travel in confined spaces (2:35 in). Hooray! And better yet, the swine flu has finally “come home” to our nation’s capital, Washington, after some slob at the World Bank (*shakes fist at World Bank*) went to Mexico, fucked a pig, [...]