It had been a while since Marion Barry’s name cropped up in the Police Blotter, and frankly we were beginning to get worried — worried that he was dead in a dumpster somewhere, and that we’d never again have such easy material. But, hooray (?), America’s Mayor is alive and well. He was, of course, charged with Stalking over the July 4 weekend. And now the Washington City Paper has some super-gross vulgar audio recordings to share with everyone! MORE »

What kind of DC buildings generally require a large room called a “confessional,” hmmm? Maybe churches? But nobody builds churches anymore. Maybe Michael Steele’s dream plans for the new GOP headquarters, where the Republicans can boozily admit to their various crimes of racism and pedophilia? NO EVEN BETTER, this is a scoop from the Washington City Paper: Actual blueprints for the Real World DC “weeping chamber,” where the young and talentless stars of this year’s edition of some old MTV comedy will be forced to admit to terrible, terrible things. MORE »

Kim Capello, the married heterosexual male county commissioner from Nowheresville, Michigan, electrified the Republican party this spring when police allegedly caught him having naked sex with an adult lady, in public. “I was in the wrong place at the wrong time,” he later told reporters, in a clear show of remorse for not having been caught in a fur suit soliciting sex from teenage boys. MORE »

Shouldn’t it be illegal to do this Child Pornography, in America? Call your local Sex-Creep Police 911 and report these people immediately. Death Penalty for all of them. [YouTube/Pharyngula]

GOP “moderates” are ecstatic over the news that some nobody Republican commissioner in some no-name Michigan suburb was caught drunkenly boning some gal on a sidewalk, at 2 a.m. The dude, for some reason named “Kim Capello,” was arrested after the police got calls about some naked people fucking in public. The woman being fucked was not the dude’s wife — it appears she wasn’t arrested, so maybe she was just killed at the scene, by the cops? Probably. And now the dude, “Kim,” may go to jail for 93 days. MORE »

Our correspondent Garrett Quinn continues to prowl CPAC looking for furries — which is not so difficult, as they’re EVERYWHERE you look at CPAC. But what else is going on at America’s Favorite Comedy Convention? MORE »

Our CPAC correspondent from Boston, Garrett Quinn, sends this terrifying photograph of a CPAC sex worker known as “Bailout Panda.” When will the police crush this degenerate animal-orgy event?

The other day we mentioned Hillary Clinton’s latest attempt to win back $11 million of her $109 million fortune, the “Have Dinner With Hillary” contest. Today, Bill Clinton sent out another e-mail about the contest, and it’s gross. He writes, “Of all the people I’ve had the privilege to break bread with, the person I most enjoy is still Hillary.” Then: “Trust me on this one. If you’re the lucky winner, it will be a night you’ll really enjoy and one to remember.” Bill, as much as we’d like Hillary to roofie us, how are we supposed to “trust you on this one” when you’ve just lied by saying that you still enjoy Hillary? Full e-mail, after the jump. MORE »

Loser pill-head Rush Limbaugh has an AM radio show during the daytime. His audience of bitter old white retirees and home-appliance repairmen was instructed to go out en masse and vote for Hillary in open primaries, so that liberal Latino-American John McCain could at least have a small chance of winning in November. But it totally failed, so now Limbaugh is suddenly pretending he really wanted his listeners to vote for the black guy. MORE »

The grand mystery of Eliot Spitzer’s comically hypocritical whoring is what exactly was being discussed when classy hooker “Kristen” was told by her madam that Spitzer “would ask you to do things that, like, you might not think were safe ….” Although we remain hopeful that it was something really weird and dangerous, possibly involving a trapeze and a velvet hovercraft, the consensus seems to be “He didn’t want to wear a condom.” But why are they speaking to each other in such stilted circumlocutions? We could make up a whole list of similarly pointlessly roundabout talk at the super-premium Brothel of Ambiguity. Let’s do it! MORE »