Tag Archives: pt sad face

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Personhood USA To Host Next Personhood Defeat In Florida

Sad news for American blastocysts, guys. Accidental zygotes are still not as sacred as you and I, now that the normals in Mississippi — whose existence was considered apocryphal until Tuesday’s election — have decided they’ve had just about enough of the pushy nuts behind up-and-coming fetus cargo cult Personhood USA. Final tally: a 59%-41% defeat of the Personhood Amendment that would have elevated the valued single-celled members of our communities to full 5/5ths American citizenship with the full Constitutional rights to catastrophic student loans and a diet entirely composed of corn syrup. Mississippians decided that sending pregnant women to prison for the crime of filling an Ortho Evra prescription was, maybe, a tad completely crazy. It probably didn’t help that the campaign’s presumably paid spokespeople mostly had no idea what they were talking about. Well, at least not enough to lie convincingly about their terrible proposal so that people might actually on purpose vote for it. Read more on Personhood USA To Host Next Personhood Defeat In Florida…
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Hurricane Slams Obama Vacation With Wind, Rain on His Parade

Here is the latest photo from Central Propaganda to hit the airwaves. Pictured is President Barack Obama, “giving a shit about whatever is wrong with everything today, a hurricane apparently.” God, look at this guy, he needs a quaalude and a hand job. The hurricane canceled his vacation and he must now return to Washington to warn everyone they will buy forty dildos and a sale pack of XXXL men’s underwear, or else. Godspeed, America! [The Hill/White House Flickr] Read more on Hurricane Slams Obama Vacation With Wind, Rain on His Parade…
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Magic Wisconsin GOP Vote Finder County Makes Magic Happen Again

Wisconsin’s recall elections ended in the death of …we don’t know, probably all of human dignity last night when Democrats managed to recapture only two of the three state senate seats needed to pour water on the flames of whiny hell demon Scott Walker’s 24/7 Koch-sucking pajama party in the capitol. The final defeat was handed down when GOP senator Alberta Darling held onto her seat after the final votes came in late from Waukesha County Clerk Kathy Nickolaus, the incompetent Republican lackey famous for “finding” 14,000 decisive votes in favor of Koch-backed candidate David Prosser in a tight Supreme Court race at the last minute. The extremely close vote count got a tip in Darling’s favor sometime around midnight when Nickolaus finally found another ink cartridge for her Koch Industries color vote printer put appearing spells on the rest of the necessary votes. The state Democratic chair temporarily found half a nut to raise hell about fraud before just going, “sorry for yelling so loud.” Read more on Magic Wisconsin GOP Vote Finder County Makes Magic Happen Again…
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Degenerate Blogger-Person Steals Last American Job

Hello Wonkette readers! Your Comics Curmudgeon has had a good time also being your sometime morning editor, this year! But just as a “Realdoll” is not a substitute for human companionship, even the most personally fulfilling blogging gig is not a substitute for subsidized dental care. Read more on Degenerate Blogger-Person Steals Last American Job…
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JOE BIDEN’S MOM DIES: Joe Biden’s old mom, Catherine Eugenia Finnegan Biden, has died at 92. It is Joe’s worst “gaffe” yet. Our condolences to the Bidens. Now everyone go collect from your buddies who bet that Roberta McCain would go first. [The Page] Read more on …