Tag: pt rumors on the internets

But I thought I hated fags real good too!

Kim Davis’s Lawyers Say She Had A Secret Stitch ‘N’ Bitch With Pope Francis

OH GODDAMMIT, IF TRUE. Good, decent people in America are trying really hard to think the best of this new commie pope, who seems to be trying to take the focus off hot button wingnut issues to return the...

Everybody Is Going Out To McDonald’s Except Mitt Romney

Happy Friday, everyone! Isn't it great when we as Americans are friends with gay people and immigrants and Saudi Arabia? We should throw a party and all hang out together! But shhh don't invite Mitt. He's too busy giving...

Women Don’t Need 3,054 Languages To Call Men Hypocrites

Can women have it all? Not yet! At least, not until I get an Iron Man suit -- sorry, Iron Woman. Are liberals hypocrites about national security?! How dare you, Salon! That's so mean! Anyway, probably. I mean, liberal...

The GOP Is Throwing Sticks and Stones At The President

Make beautiful music with today's news! Or steal it, you jerky jerkface. The GOP is encouraging people to hurl "vulgarities" at the President. We at Wonkette know none of you commenters would stoop that low! You're all a bunch of...

Romney Advocates For Bees Learning the Kazakhstan Anthem

Good news, everyone! No, just kidding, it's not. Can you tell the difference between ads and advocacy? Usually, it's that one of them demands money and the other asks for it. But the line is blurring, which means basically...

Your American Dreams Are A Virus Against America

Do you have dreams, Wonkette commenters? I totally had one the other night about--wait, you want news? Oh, fine. Turns out Kickstarter is even worse than we thought! According to this article, it is destroying the economy because everyone...

The President’s Famous And Farming Is Hot

It's Friday! Lounge in some articles about presidential legacies, lazy candidates, and a changing farming industry. Here's an article about why presidents shouldn't be concerned about how they will look when they go down in history. We're pretty sure...

Celebrities Destroying America, According to Television

According to the news today, the GOP hates celebrities, hates television, and hates words. St. Ronald Reagan would be so ashamed. The GOP doesn't like it when Obama uses celebrities like Sarah Jessica Parker or Anna Wintour in his...

Mitt Can’t Go Home Again

Mitt Romney is giving up on his roots, the Swedes are embarrassed, and ".pizza" is available as a domain name! It's a trippy day all around, folks. Mitt Romney is forsaking his home states Michigan, Massachusetts, and California, because he...

Drunk Text The President As The World Ends

Today, technology can make our lives better -- even if our world as we know it is being destroyed! Oh, well, at least there's a new episode of Game of -- oh, crap. You can now donate to the...

Insert Watergate Headline Here

Good Monday! In the news today, Republican battles to not be involved in Mitt Romney's campaign at all intensify, "Tricky Dick" had a mortifying nickname for a reason, and the Supreme Court wants you to stop telling them how...

China Didn’t Want Those Dumb American Jobs Anyway

Your morning news: this time with a main dish of weird news that Americans have finally begun stealing jobs back from China, a side of old news (yeah, yeah, Bush is annoying) and a dessert of future news (everyone's...

Get Ready To Get Down At Some Gay Weddings At Mitt Romney’s House!

This Thursday, Mitt Romney's unlikable, Bill Clinton's talking some awkward talk, and Barack Obama is making money. This is news? Unlike Bill Clinton, Mitt Romney is a terrible neighbor. Somehow he is gentrifying his already rich neighborhood and alienating his...

Maybe Dan Brown Had A Point

Today, we find out how many gay people there are while the Vatican works miracles in book selling (not that book!), and a new sport everyone can do but a new reality show almost no can join. Hmmm.... How many...

Good Morning, The Future Is Here!

Welcome, Wonkette readers! Racism is in the past, the CDC is promising there are no zombies, and we're building weapons to fight aliens! Aren't you glad the past is over? According to Pew, difference in political opinions is what most...

Americans Are Becoming Facebook-Addicted Europeans

This morning, let's learn about how food is turning robotic, Facebook is turning us into addicts, and the economy is turning us European. I'm pretty sure exactly none of those things would make sense a hundred years ago. There's a...