• Barack Obama traded five captured Iranian commando terrorists, Jon Favreau, a nuclear warhead, and a Cal Ripken Jr. rookie card for one (1) journalist. Are you insane, Mr. President? Next time please consult Beckett’s baseball card price guide? [Power Line]
• Here is a story about a fellow named Ace, a man who wakes up every day and leads bayonet charges against the liberal elite, on the internet. But then one day our hero Ace said something TRAITOROUS about America’s favorite quitter, and received a barrage of grapeshot fired from unmerciful Commenter Canons. And then an armada of Confederate Ironclads called him mean names. The End. [True/Slant]
• Good news for white people! In Thailand, “white is in,” and if you move there and get a job, you will be paraded around and fed treats for being so exotic and white. Sorry, not-white-people. Try Laos? [Andrew Sullivan]
• Karl Rove makes an eloquent case for not telling the irresponsible blabbermouth children in Congress about anything, especially not “secret stuff” the CIA does. Best to go straight to John Ensign’s parents. [Think Progress]
• Sarah Palin quit her job so she could spend more time adding her favorite Aristotle quotes to her Facebook profile. But even if she adds two or three new quotes a day, that’s like what, 3 hours? This woman needs to find some extra-curricular activities! The problem: all of the good summer internships have been taken, and uh, nobody wants to be seen with her in public. Thailand beckons! [AMERICAblog]

• Take a look at NOW! That’s What I Call Michele Bachmann Vol. 1, in which our gal smugly recites lines from The Bald Soprano at confused interlocutors and looks proudly on. [TPM via Gawker]
• Hollywood Box Office is making a feature film about that Lewinsky gal, the one from the 90s! Dennis Quad will be Bill, Julianne Moore will be Hillary, and they’re not getting an actress to play Lewinsky, they’re just going to use old news footage or who knows, maybe cast Cate Blanchett, Richard Gere and an animated Heath Ledger to tag-team it. [Top of the Ticket]
• Rod Blagojevich, an actual toddler who, for a period of time, precociously involved himself in Illinois politics, says he has no regrets, in case you were thinking that he participated in some regretful activities. [CNN Political Ticker]
• Democratic People’s Republic of Alaska will be accepting most of the stiumulus funds, regardless of whatever Sarah Palin refused. [Anchorage Daily News]
• And the good news!: America is still the world’s #1 exporter of vacuous neologisms. USA #1! [Crooks and Liars]

• The only people that like Obama at all anymore are a bunch of lazy illegals who wish they had jobs, and who, instead of just getting a job at a car plant or a Sam Goody (Not Bankrupt Yet! ™), hope that Obama can “create” jobs. Right. [RedState]
• Chuck Schumer will reprogram his new intern, Kirsten Gillibrand, as he pleases. He will start with her, hmm let’s see, political identifications and belief system. That should do it. [Ben Smith]
• About a dozen House Republicans are headed to Rahm Emanuel’s house tonight. House Republicans are known for their love of Kosher food. [CNN Political Ticker]
• When Obama took over Whitehouse.gov, he has prevented presidential historians from accessing such information of import as a video of First Dog Barney scurrying around Michael Phelps to the tune of “Ripple.” This is not change.gov we can believe in. [Daily Kos]
• Obama is secretly planning on giving the entirety of the stimulus bill to his old friends The ACORNs. [The Corner]

• Tina Brown start-up “Whitehouse.gov” has a new look and a new face and it is that of Barack Obama! Also a new blog called “the Briefing Room.” [Whitehouse.gov/Andrew Sullivan]
• Jessica Alba, our nation’s greatest Latina President since Lincoln, told Team Fox News that Bill O’Reilly is an asshole. [Crooks and Liars]
• Famous irrelevant persons Sarah Palin and Bills Richardson and Ayers were not invited to Washington today. The Daily Beast has tracked down what sad alternative activities they will be doing in crushing anonymity instead. [Daily Beast]
• Here are some closure-y long-distance action shots of Bush’s farewell helicopter (note UFO in second photo). [AMERICAblog]
• The Greatest Generation: Sasha Obama of course hated Sheryl Crow and will.i.am’s cover of “One Love.” [Slate]

• Asia is a new country that will soon make Mitt Romney its first-ever president. [Wizbang Politics]
• Obama going negative is like the leaves changing, or the cherry blossoms blooming in springtime. [AMERICAblog]
• Rupert Murdoch takes a shot at Clinton. [Politico]
• Mike Bloomberg has ads! ADS! [Hot Air]
• Two assholes united by singularity of purpose. [Michelle Malkin]
• John Edwards may file for unemployment. [Fresh Intelligence]
• A play on words that would make Shakespeare proud. [Redstate]

* Miss Iowa likes that head of hair. [Political Radar]
* There’s nothing more appalling than impeachment as political theater. [Michelle Malkin]
* The Democrats do believe in torture, they just think it should be used by them on the people who sent them to Congress to stop the slide into insanity by not refusing to change course out of fear of the political implications of taking a stand on any given issue until they have expanded majorities and a woman in the White House. Between these two options, we choose to be waterboarded, thanks. [Andrew Sullivan]
* What is that irresistible rhythmic thwapping sound? Why, it’s the sound of millions of conservative blowhards fiercely masturbating. [Redstate]
* James Dobson no endorse. James Dobson only smash! [WorldNet Daily]
* Next time Diane Feinstein runs for re-election, maybe vote for someone else. [Left Coaster]

* Things Mitt Romney also may not think are murder: peanut butter and jelly, basketball, fishing. [ElectionCentral]
* The Iraqi police force is rife with “violent extremists,” making them at least as effective as the LAPD. [The Blotter]
* It’s not the lying or incompetence or the inability to complete a sentence — it’s the goddamned Mexicans the GOP can’t stand. [MoJo]
* Tony Blair is going to spend his retirement beating his wife, an expression of masculinity and control that she herself desires. She’s French. [Passport]
* Indictment isn’t that big a deal. Just look what it did for Tom DeLay. [HuffPo]