VOINOVICH WON’T RUN AGAIN: Wasn’t he one of those “vulnerable Republicans” anyhow? The senator from Ohio announced he won’t be running for re-election in 2010. Instead, he will be replaced by a waxen replica of Joe the Plumber, which will shoot fire out of its anus every 15 seconds. [The Fix]

Reprinted in full without comment. [AP]

On Andy Card’s last day, even — they never fire the ones you want, right? MORE »

After all, Condoleezza Rice’s “dream job” just opened up: MORE »

They appear to be unsubstantiated — but since we specialize in unsubstantiated rumors around here, consider this speculation, from The Hotline: MORE »

Today’s Post has an article by Charles Lane on Justice John Paul Stevens, about whom we’ve blogged a fair amount over the past few weeks. Rumors of his possible retirement from the Court continue to circulate (even if they are probably unfounded). MORE »

Earlier today, we announced some of the finalists in our Wonkette reader contest, “So What’s Really Bothering Justice Stevens?” Now, what you’ve all been waiting for: the runner-up and the winner!

But first one final caveat. As we originally emphasized, the rumor that Justice Stevens uttered the sentence, “I can’t put up with this shit anymore!”, is just that — a rumor. And it may not be a particularly reliable one. One former clerk emailed us as follows:

As someone who clerked for Justice Stevens and is fairly familiar with his manner of public and private expression, I find it incredulous that he would say anything of the kind. He’s a gentleman through and through, and the expression attributed to him is totally inconsistent with his personality. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone made up the quote for malicious purposes. Cf. Ann Coulter.

Although we are certainly willing to blame Ann Coulter for all that is evil in the world, we can assure you that she was not our source. But we do think that the above caveat is valuable, which is why we’ve shared it with you.

After the jump, the runner-up and the winning entry — and a bonus gift for our readers!

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Last week, we announced a Wonkette reader contest, based on the rumor that Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens was recently overheard exclaiming, “I can’t put up with this shit anymore!” After some of you objected to our speculative theory that his comment might have been retirement-related, we asked you to submit proposed responses to this question: MORE »

Some of you pointed out that the recent rumor we passed along, about Justice John Paul Stevens possibly stepping down from the Supreme Court in June, was somewhat cryptic. You correctly noted that we neglected to supply any context connecting the overheard remark from Justice Stevens — “I can’t put up with this shit anymore!” — with the possibility of retirement. MORE »

Geez! Some of you had almost violent reactions to the rumor we passed along yesterday that Justice John Paul Stevens might retire from the Supreme Court in June. These responses are representative:

JPS retire? Not a fat chance! But that’s just a feeling I have. It’s not really based on any facts. Or anything I’ve overheard. It would just make me mad is all. So…

NewsMax and Confirm Them certainly would love Stevens to retire. But a dearly held wet-dream does not reality make… Which is a good thing for those of us who hope that Stevens turns out to be immortal, or at least a very long-lived cyborg.

People, calm down! It’s just a rumor, which we offered with an entire shaker of salt.

After the jump, some reassurance for those of you who fear that this rumor will come to pass.

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Rumor has it that Justice John Paul Stevens, the senior member of the Supreme Court’s liberal wing, may call it quits when the current court term ends in June. Sources say he’s fed up with being in a powerless liberal minority — and recently expressed that frustration in some pretty colorful language for a Supreme Court justice: “I can’t put up with this shit anymore!” MORE »