Doug Hoffman, the wingnut geek who forced the Republican out of New York’s 23rd congressional district special election but then lost that election to the Democrat and then proceeded to concede and later unconcede, finally admitted defeat (again) today, which caused the spontaneous pregnancy of Sarah Palin (again) and the immediate sale of 1 gazillion copies of Palin’s book, I’m Awesome. MORE »

Louisiana sex creep David “Diaperman” Vitter is known for one thing, and one thing only: Hiring hookers and then making those hookers put adult diapers on him, so he can poop in the diapers, for sex kicks. He has been caught employing prostitutes at least twice, in New Orleans and in Washington DC — his number found in the client phone records of the since-suicided “DC Madam,” in the latter case. He is a gross scumbag and a human joke, and guess where serious Congressional Journalistic Institution Roll Call found him fondling ladies’ lingerie and looking “a bit lost,” because he was about to spurt/poop? MORE »

Whenever absolutely anything goes wrong, immediately fire the nearest communications director. This is a law, in our politics. It would follow, then, that Michael Steele would have already gone through all the communications directors on Earth, multiple times. Well! This recent RNC communications director, Trevor Francis, had only been at his job since March but lasted til yesterday, when Steele fired him to death because Steele was sad he, Michael Steele, did not receive “enough credit for the GOP’s electoral success earlier this month.” MORE »

Twilight heart-throb and South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford loved his Argentine Firecracker soul-mate so much that he abandoned his wife, kids and that annoying job (Republican leader of a slave state) just to pile up frequent-flier miles and bang his mistress with romance. But now the mean twerps at the state’s “ethics panel” have examined Sanford’s behavior and charged him with 37 crimes, hooray! But the state attorney general won’t necessarily pursue this, because come on, does he look black? MORE »

UPDATE: Really, a guy with his business covered by a big old towel is “not safe for work” now? WE THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA, etc., but if a nation’s few remaining employed people can’t practice their love on a front-page semi-nekkid Levi Johnston, we will hide the snausage after the jump. NOW BACK TO THE POST: Sarah Palin’s favorite “porn thing” website, Playgirl.com, keeps leaking these pictures of Levi Johnston, teen sex model. Why did Sarah Palin let a known gay-pornography star take the towel off his ding-dong and stick said ding-dong into Sarah Palin’s daughter? This is the biggest political story of all time, forever. MORE »

Blake Hall, National Committeeman of the Idaho Republican Party, is now down one (1) National Committeemanship of the Idaho Republican Party and nineteen (19) used condoms. See, ten different times—like, on ten different days—Hall flung his lurid semen-filled condoms on his ex-girlfriend’s lawn, whom he stalked and stalked and stalked for like half a year. Quoth the poor lady whose lawn was unwillingly re-purposed for the flourishing cum crop: “I was so tired of being victimized. It is unimaginable that a 56-year-old would be so deviant.” MORE »

• MEET YOUR 2010 CANDIDATES: “HALLANDALE BEACH, Fla. — A GOP candidate in South Florida says it was a mistake to shoot at a target with a Democratic congresswoman’s initials … Robert Lowry, a Republican vying to replace Democratic U.S. Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz, fired at a full-body silhouette with her initials written next to its head.” It was a joke! [AP]

What new, innovative methods are there to be a Republican candidate — a REAL MERKN R’pubkin — nowadays? The base expects you to be just like them. This dude has an idea: “[Dave] Westlake is the Republican challenger to Democratic incumbent Russ Feingold of Wisconsin. Westlake says he’ll be wearing his bright orange hunting gear to every campaign appearance leading up to the 2010 election.” Then he’ll wear it in the Senate, just as a “fuck you” to, uh, spending. [AP]

Buried somewhere in the middle of the thick “Republicans + E-mail = Racist Anti-Obama Stuff” file is the July case of Dr. David McKalip, the Florida neurosurgeon caught circulating this objectively racist witch doctor image of Barack Obama. McKalip was a major “Tea Party E-mail List Guy” and an active player in the American Medical Association, but after being so racist he announced he would keep a lower profile in the anti-reform movement — even though “the image has nothing to do with my feelings or thoughts on any race or culture.” How’s that working out for him? Oh, he’s just traveling the country to speak at rallies and meet with Republican congressmen. MORE »

Things are getting so out-of-hand that the forecasters at “Team Romney” are having to step in and act like adults: “There are cooler heads: Former Mitt Romney spokesman Kevin Madden passed along some entirely unheeded advice from another Republican strategist, Scott Stanzel: ‘Note to GOP officials/consultants - resist temptation to pile on about Chicago losing just becuz Obama made the pitch.’” MORE »

Time is running out but there is enough time—but like barely though—to fill you in on what you need to know on a need-to-know basis: The House Republicans have formed a committee. It is called the “GOP ACORN Rapid Response Committee” or “GOPACORNRRCmte,” although it probably has a secret code name. There’s no time to speculate about what the secret code name may be. Its members include the crucial Representatives Patrick McHenry, Darrell Issa, and Michele Bachmann. The aims of said committee include: MORE »