• DICK ARMEY QUITS LAW FIRM TO BECOME FULL-TIME LYING EXPLOITATIVE LIAR: Former Republican House majority leader Dick Armey, head of one of the most prominent wingnut Astroturfing organizations, FreedomWorks, is quitting his “real job” at a law firm for rather Palinesque quittery reasons. “The firm is busy with its business, and shouldn’t be asked to take time out from their work, to defend themselves of spurious allegations,” he said, referring to how he has publicly shamed his law firm by running the very evil FreedomWorks. [Jim Galloway/AJC]

Everybody knew Senator Mel Martinez, the Florida guy who took advantage of what’s known as “the Cuban Exemption” in order to become both a Republican and a Hispanic at the same time, would not run for re-election in 2010. But who knew he’d be resigning his seat a year early? MORE »

Sarah Palin is so super-maverick-y now that she won’t even honor her vow to make a speech at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, where she was scheduled to speak at the Simi Valley Republican Ladies Group Fund-raiser for Republicans, a very widely reported exciting event that was to be her first public appearance since just quitting the governorship of Alaska because fuck those people, right? MORE »

True fact: Texas has had the same governor since the 1970s, when a man with a thickly feathered coif captured the hearts of many Texan ladies and cowboys. His name was Rick Perry, and he decided to keep running for governor every four years because voters were too dumb and lazy to ever notice that the ballot didn’t change. MORE »

The trade journal Inside Radio reports: “While not exactly shopping the GOP’s 2008 vice presidential candidate, sources say Palin representatives have been quietly testing the waters to see how much interest radio syndicators have for her.” Perfect! This is how Palin does everything now: passive-aggressively “gauge interest” and if people don’t kiss your ass enough, even though you commit to nothing, just say Fuck ‘Em and move on to the next assholes who won’t give you the proper respect. Then you can write a poem about it, on Twitter. [Inside Radio via Political Wire]

ALEX PAREENE ON PALIN’S INSANE GOODBYE: “It’s like Peggy Noonan, Jack London, and William Faulkner wandered into the woods with three buttons of peyote and one typewriter, and only this speech emerged.” [Gawker]

Oh yeah you might want to see this, right? It’s Sarah Palin’s “goodbye and fuck you all, except the military families, you keep us safe” speech. Check it out!

This is it you guys, today is Sarah Palin’s last day as Vice President of Alaska! But enough about Sarah Palin, because while of course it is just a matter of time until the Palin de’Medicis once again gain control of Wasilla and therefore the entirety of the snowy north—either through Willow, the Dauphiness of Juneau, or whenever Palin’s TwitterBerry becomes self-aware—in the meantime, Alaska’s new top Alaskan is Sean Parnell. What does America know about Sean Parnell? And what does America need to know about Sean Parnell? Nothing and nothing, respectively. MORE »

Hey YOU GUYS why is this day different from all other days? Because it is the very last weekday in the history of Man in which Sarah Palin will serve the great state of Alaska as its mascot. On Saturday she will rest. And on Sunday she will turn over the reins of power to somebody who won’t be harassed to death by frivolous libtards. MORE »

Senator John Ensign isn’t quitting his job just because he had the poor taste to sleep with his friend’s wife and then stick his parents with the most expensive “here’s a little something for your trouble” tab ever, but his chief of staff might be! According to one report, Ensign COS John Lopez is “leaving” the senator’s office. Is he quitting? Getting fired? Laid off, like a common employee of Huck Pac? Who knows, ’cause Ensign’s office ain’t telling. Our money’s on quitting, because most Senate chiefs of staff want to bow out at the pinnacle of their careers. [The Hill]

Ugh this DSCC ad has about a million problems with it. Number one, only one of these people is a “quitter” in the sense of “throwing a weird hissy fit in front of a flock of honking geese and leaving one’s job for no discernible purpose.” MORE »