Tag Archives: pt quiet rooms

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Harry Reid: I Already Compromised With Boehner On Amount Of Funding, In Private, Like A Gentleman

Harry Reid sat down with Dana Bash after he did not actually tell her that he hates cancer kids, but kinda did tell her she was being “reckless and irresponsible” in front of her peers, which was not very nice. Here he leads with: “You know I am not known for being real ‘articulate,'” and no he did not actually do air quotes but we are trying to describe it for you in case you don’t want to watch four minutes of Harry Reid saying all the right things but saying them So Badly. Here’s the main thing, though: People want Harry Reid to compromise with John Boehner? Harry Reid is way ahead of them. Dude compromised in “the first part of September,” which is like, four parts ago! Say what? Read more on Harry Reid: I Already Compromised With Boehner On Amount Of Funding, In Private, Like A Gentleman…
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Why Does Barack Obama Hate Rich People Today?

After years of trying to hide his commie pinko inclinations with aggressive free market policies and inclinations towards a deregulatory economic landscape, President Obama is FINALLY letting his socialist freak flag fly–and he’s doing it in PUBLIC, no less, where he has been talking about income inequality and its effect on America’s social fabric. Did you forget that he had made some big speeches about the middle class this week? We did too, because we were busy being distracted by Anthony Weiner‘s Carlos Danger’s penis, but luckily, the New York Times has written an article about Obama’s pivot to open socialist commie Marxism, (probably to distract everyone from BENGHAZI). Read more on Why Does Barack Obama Hate Rich People Today?…
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World’s Wealthiest People To Poors: Let Them Not Eat

Here is a fun fact for you: the world’s top billionaires are so wealthy — How wealthy are they?? They are so wealthy that just the increase in their net worth last year would be “enough to make extreme poverty history four times over.” This is according to a report from Oxfam that was released over a week ago but was ignored by our commie liberal mainstream press. What does it mean to be so incredibly, incredibly wealthy? Read more on World’s Wealthiest People To Poors: Let Them Not Eat…
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Good News, Everyone! Rich People Had A Very Nice 2012!

“Last year was a great one for the world’s billionaires,” said John Catsimatidis, the billionaire owner of Red Apple Group Inc., in an e-mail written poolside on his BlackBerry in the Bahamas. “In 2013, they will continue looking for investments around the world — and not necessarily in U.S. — that will give them an advantage.” Oh good, because they need an advantage, so this is welcome news. What would we all do if the world’s billionaires stopped seeking advantages? Also, we hate to judge people we don’t know, but John Catsimatidis sounds sort of like a shitbag. Anyway, yes, last year sucked for Poors and the middle class one-medical-catastrophe-away-from-being-Poors, but it was GREAT for our financial betters, isn’t that a relief? Now here’s a fun parlor game: guess the aggregate net worth of the world’s 100 richest people. Guess. Did you guess? Read more on Good News, Everyone! Rich People Had A Very Nice 2012!…
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McDonald’s Employee Excited to Be Earning Minimum Wage After 20 Years On the Job

Time is money, you guys, and money is time (as well as speech) which is why this nice McDonald’s worker would have to work for ONE MILLION HOURS to make as much as the McDonald’s CEO did in 2011 alone. The CEO’s time is just that much more valuable, so the Market has put a fair price on his time, because the Market is infallible. Also, if this nice McDonald’s employee wants to make more than minimum wage (which he still earns after 20 years with the company) he should have found a way to make his labor more profitable, and also too, to not look or smell like he works at McDonald’s, because the stink of the proletariat is too disgusting for management to bear. Read more on McDonald’s Employee Excited to Be Earning Minimum Wage After 20 Years On the Job…
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Ben Bernanke’s Hip-Hop Barbecue Will Probably Not Create Jobs

How exciting, soon we will be in the midst of a third round of quantitative easing! Does this mean we should break out the Korbel and celebrate? No, it probably does not, because like most of our economic policies, it will mostly benefit Incorporated Americans and people with lots of investments and will punish Poors (i.e. most of America) and possibly cause some social unrest. Here let us Explainer you! Read more on Ben Bernanke’s Hip-Hop Barbecue Will Probably Not Create Jobs…
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Matt Taibbi Explains Why You Should Hate Mitt Romney Even More Than You May Have Hated Him Yesterday

Hello, Matt Taibbi, how are you making us hate Mitt Romney even more today than we did, say, yesterday (which is saying a lot since we had to sit through his forty minute speech about himself yesterday and also a slide show about him and his kids, blagh). But as you will soon discover, making us hate Mitt Romney even more isn’t terribly difficult! You just begin by explaining the nuts and bolts of how Bain Capital destroyed several companies by loading them up with debt, and then you go into detail about how Bain partners made tons of money, much of it off government “handouts” even while laying off thousands of workers, and then you top it all off by pointing out that political and financial journalists have been unwilling or unable to explain any of this to the American public. Thank you, Matt Taibbi, for exposing not only the incompetence of the American pundit class, but also the features–rather than bugs–of the corporate tax code that allow people like Mitt Romney and Incorporated Americans like Bain Capital to happen to all of us. Read more on Matt Taibbi Explains Why You Should Hate Mitt Romney Even More Than You May Have Hated Him Yesterday…
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Wonkette’s Guide to Gawker’s Bain Super Scooper, Pt. II

Hello Wonketteers, by now you have probably realized that Gawker released 950 pages of Bain Capital records, and that this is either very important or a waste of everyone’s time, depending on whom you ask. WHICH IS IT? IS IT IMPORTANT OR IS IT A WASTE OF TIME? And also, what is a total return equity swap, and why should you care? And how did Romney manage to give $100,000,000 to his heirs without paying taxes on any of it? These are very pressing and important questions, and it is your lucky day because the answers are contained herein. Behold, Part 2 of Wonkette’s guide to the Gawker Super Scooper, where all questions will be answered and all doubts will be assuaged. Read more on Wonkette’s Guide to Gawker’s Bain Super Scooper, Pt. II…
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Wonkette’s Guide to Gawker’s Scooper-Duper Bain Capital Documents, Pt. 1

It was so kind of person or persons unknown to give 950 pages of Bain Capital records to Gawker, exposing (among other things) Mitt Romney’s financial portfolio, and tax avoidance strategies employed by Bain. BUT WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? It could mean a lot! Or nothing! There is so much information, and it is so complicated, so you are probably confused and maybe even angry, but do not panic, your Wonkette is here to help! Read more on Wonkette’s Guide to Gawker’s Scooper-Duper Bain Capital Documents, Pt. 1…
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Arizona Sen. Jon Kyl: America Has No Class

Why is our socialist Kenyan Marxist Muslim president being so NEGATIVE, hmm? The richest 1% of Americans are doing great! Corporate profits are at an all time high! It should be champagne and caviar for EVERYONE but NO, Obama is insisting on talking about something called the “Middle Class.” Of course, as Senator Jon Kyl (R-Arizona) points out, the existence of such a class is a total fiction because of rising income inequality because there is no such thing as “middle class values.” Even if there were (but there aren’t!), you shouldn’t run around DISCUSSING them, in PUBLIC, when you are the President, because it is un-American! And when you do it, you pit the middle class against people like Michael Jordan, which is bad for everyone. Jon Kyl kindly explained this to his colleagues and to the American people during a speech he made Monday on the Senate floor. Read more on Arizona Sen. Jon Kyl: America Has No Class…
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Bummed About Your 15 Percent Tax Rate, Job Creators? Have You Considered Paying ‘Zero’ Instead?

It is with a heavy heart that we inform you that we have not significantly appeased our lords and masters the job creators and so they have taken to laundering their money, investing their money speech in offshore tax havens. Some of the world’s money launderers biggest banks, in fact, have been quietly helping 100,000 of our finest job creators and their families hide somewhere between $21 and $32 trillion in assets offshore in places like Switzerland and the Cayman Islands. The good news, however, is that this isn’t really anything that you people need to worry about. After all, being as you’re a Poor, you’re not as educated and wouldn’t understand that this is just how the system works, is all! These are swashbuckling captains of industry, taking such RISKS for the betterment of the economy and for us all, surely they deserve to evade avoid a little taxes here and there as repayment for their fulfilling their patriotic duty of being rich creating jobs? It’s as AMERICAN AS APPLE PIE! Read more on Bummed About Your 15 Percent Tax Rate, Job Creators? Have You Considered Paying ‘Zero’ Instead?…
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Goldman Offers Banking For The One Percent And There Will Be Neither Credit Cards Nor Toasters

The problem with retail banking, see, is that even Poors can sometimes scrape enough money together to get a bank account or a loan, and then they’re all blah blah blah, you are foreclosing on my house by mistake, or blah blah blah, I will not pay your $5 fee, and then sometimes they will cause a SCENE about these trifles, and it is embarrassing for everyone. Goldman Sachs has learned from Bank of America’s experiences with Poors, and so it will be launching its retail banking arm for the exclusive use of very very rich people and also for corporations (which, fun fact, are also a type of rich person). This way, they can make sure they don’t lend to Poors and also avoid any possibility of exposure to such inconveniences as “the market,” as well as the undignified practice of “giving away free toasters” SERIOUSLY. Read more on Goldman Offers Banking For The One Percent And There Will Be Neither Credit Cards Nor Toasters…