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New Poll: Michele Bachmann Already Losing Her House Race

Here is an important 2014 election update brought to you by AHAHAHAHAHAHA: Michele Bachmann is trailing her Democratic challenger for her House seat by two points, according to a new survey from Public Policy Polling: The survey…shows Democrat Jim Graves leading Bachmann, a four-term congresswoman and former GOP presidential candidate, 47 percent to 45 percent. The results are within the poll’s 4.4 percentage point margin of error. This is a pretty humiliating thing, as a Republican, to lose your seat in Minnesota’s most conservative congressional district. Your Wonkette is going to have a drink to, uh, celebrate this thing that has not yet happened and speculate extremely prematurely on what Michele Bachmann might do with her time after her stench is ejected from the landfill known as Congress, for being too foul. Let’s have some ideas, after the jump!  Read more on New Poll: Michele Bachmann Already Losing Her House Race…
  poll pr0n

Poll Shocker: Mississippi, Alabama Voters Not Very Bright

“Evolution is hogwash” will be the winner of Tuesday’s Mississippi Republican primary, followed by “Barack Obama is so a secret Muslim” according to this exciting new PPP survey. Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum will all run a pathetic third through fifth place with only around 30% of the voters’ nods each. But try to feel a little understanding for these voters, really now. When was the last time anyone spotted even a tiny shred of evolution lurking anywhere in Mississippi? Read more on Poll Shocker: Mississippi, Alabama Voters Not Very Bright…
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Mitt Romney Supposed To Win Iowa Caucuses, Unless He Doesn’t

There are several billion polls out there variously dropping coy hints about a Ron Paul win, a Mitt Romney win or that more apocalyptic outcome, a “Santorum surprise,” GAH, but let’s check in with poll nerd king Nate Silver: Mitt Romney has a 42% chance of winning and everyone else has less, with the important caveat that Iowa’s schizophrenic Republican voters have been off meds for months now and it’s possible that poll averages mean nothing since Saturday’s Des Moines Register poll found that 41% of likely caucus-goers are still sort of weepy about their choices and continue to waffle over whom to support. Read more on Mitt Romney Supposed To Win Iowa Caucuses, Unless He Doesn’t…
  poll pr0n

Romney Leads in Iowa; Other GOP Idiots Promise To Burn Constitution

Uh-oh, that thing that no one thought would happen but secretly knew was going to happen has finally HAPPENED, folks: Mitt Romney is leading in a new poll out of Iowa. Great. Iowa has lost its sense of humor just in time for the caucuses. “Political wisdom,” which is an oxymoron, has it that Romney is finally at the top of the trash heap because weepy evangelical voters are fighting among each other over who of the remaining candidates (not counting Ron Paul or Jon Huntsman, duh) qualifies as the most theocratically-inclined would-be dictator bigot of all. Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich, Rick Perry and Rick Santorum all KNOW THIS, so they are working extra super double hard at the crazy in these final days before the caucuses. Read more on Romney Leads in Iowa; Other GOP Idiots Promise To Burn Constitution…