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Tag: pt our flourishing economy

Massive Economic Depression Pushed Back Another Month

America is... back?? If the standard is that job creation barely surpassed population growth for the last month on record, four years into the great Economic Unpleasantness, then you betcha. We're rich again! Money! Pie! War! The economy...

Report: America Even Better At Making Its People Poor Than It Thought

While America nervously fidgets with excitement waiting to hear all the disgusting sexytime harassment details from a new Herman Cain accuser (the press conference hasn't happened yet, but we promise, uh, it will be gross?), let's scan some of...

Record 81% of Americans Hate America

A shocking new Gallup poll proves that 81% of Americans -- an all-time record -- are against the American Government, while 82% are against Congress specifically. And 49% of Americans believe the U.S. Government is "an immediate threat to...

Stocks Collapse Worldwide On News About Meg Whitman

Unloved corporate failure Meg Whitman was last seen insisting that she should be governor of California because goddammit, she paid $141 million to be governor of California. And now the former eBay executive has re-appeared on the public stage,...

Republican Thugs Warn Ben Bernanke Not To Try To Fix Economy

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke with his unenviable job of trying to save the crumbling American economy with interest rate tweaks is sort of like a firefighter standing before a Texas wildfire who gets to shoot at it with a...

America’s Poor Beg Congress: ‘Please Forgive Our Debt, Sirs!’

The "new thing" in America is being desperately poor, until an audience of Tea Party sociopaths maniacally cheers your death outside the razor-wire fence of the hospital. But some of these uppity poors are so desperate that they've politely...

New U.S. Achievement: More Americans In Poverty Than Ever!

If the sunshine seemed a little bit brighter this morning and the air a little bit sweeter, you were surely imagining it -- Obama's new smog allowances keep the skies permanently brown and sour, despite the collapse of American...

Millions of Jobless Americans Filing For Disability To Get Food, Medicine

Social Security is in "trouble" because wealthy people aren't required by the government to actually pay their share into the national program, and also because Congress has been "borrowing" billions of dollars that working people have paid into the...

Dow Jones Drunk Skydiving Without Parachute Again, Falls 500 Points

HOORAY hooray hooray hooray, time for a special "endless economic doom" update: the Dow Jones did a 500-point nosedive today, and something called the "fear index" rose above 30, which is Very Bad (And Yet Seems Normal?), because that...

Obama’s Tea Party Bill Signed, Stocks Collapse

Ronald Reagan's illegitimate son Barack Obama just signed his Tea Party Disaster Bill, which officially makes "being poor" both Illegal and the legal status of 90% of Americans. So will Wall Street finally love Barack Obama a little bit...

Just In Time For U.S. Default, U.S. Recession Gets Much Worse

While the Republicans try to force a default of the American Nation with such tactics as "scholarship grants are for communists," the Democrats are engaged in an exciting game of catch-up. "Oh," Obama might say, looking thoughtfully at his...

America About To Lose Its Fancy Credit Card

Because of many reasons including "the nation cannot even agree to print more money," the United States is in danger of losing its fancy AAA credit rating from Moody's, the investing service that decides what countries and businesses have...

Obama Failed To Create Jobs For All, On Twitter; Unemployment Soars

Unemployment shot up to an official 9.2% as Barack Obama failed to magically create millions of new jobs via Twitter the other day. The real rate, depending on which real rate you like, is somewhere between 11% and 25%....

Nearly a Third of American Mortgages ‘Underwater’

The economic recovery continues to be a complete fiction, like the Harry Potter books but without all the fun sex magick. Unemployment is officially back to 9%, with real unemployment at 22%. Energy and food costs keep rising as...

Cost of Living Soars As Income, Assets & Government Services All Decline

Despite consistent claims of low inflation during this endless Great Recession, Americans are paying dramatically more for gasoline, electricity, heat and food -- everybody notices the $4 gas, but the jump in food prices to a 36-year record is...

Hot New Trend: Working Actual Professional Jobs For Free, As ‘Interns’

As America and the Entire Industrialized World dips into the second act of our 21st Century Greatest Depression, workers and employers are developing new skills to cope with the complete lack of money. In the Los Angeles City Attorney's...