pt Our Cold Dead Hands
Are You Smarter Than These Gun-Toters?
With the astronomical amounts of derp spewing into the atmosphere over the IRS, the AP, and BENGHAZI!!!!11!!!!, it is easy to forget that Americans continue every day to shoot each other with guns in ever more inventive ways. Lucky for you that yr Wonkette is here to remind you that every time you think the [...]
Jerry Brown’s Stormtroopers Might Actually Pry Some Guns From Some Cold Dead Hands, and Other Gun News
Hi diddly ho, Wonkerinos! It has been awhile since we submerged ourselves in the crazy world of America’s most prominent and deadly fetish. Frankly, we were feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the stories of people accidentally blowing away their own toddlers while cleaning their shotguns, and then the useless dicks in Congress killed gun [...]
Like Crazed Person With Gun, Senate Kills Everything It Sees
Hey remember how yr Wonkette told you, over and over, that the Senate’s gun control bill was going to die…with (well really without) votes? We now declare this meme dead along with the bill. Today the Senate votes on the package of amendments to the watered-down gun control bill it has spent three months painfully [...]
Today’s Gun News Takes Delightfully Refreshing Turn For The Surreal
For those of you following our never-ending soap opera regarding our nation’s love affair with chrome-plated dildos of death, this week has been horribly depressing and not at all full of news that’s appropriate for your preferred source for pictures of silver bears in lingerie. Between the incredibly cheery multiple “toddler shoots ___” stories to [...]
In Which We Are Irrationally Hopeful That Not Everyone Is a Total Idiot About Gun Control
With the way so many of our politicians cower in terror every time they spot Wayne LaPierre rushing in their direction, his crazy eyes rolling in their sockets like the googly-eyed panda magnet on our refrigerator, we have thought we might break out the Dance of Joy if just one politician would tell him to go [...]
Jim Carrey Trolls Fox Angerbears, and Other News From The World Of Guns
Greetings, rabble! Welcome to this week’s sad, sad roundup of stupid gun stuff. It is only our fifth entry in this series and already every week feels like an interminable slog through the most depressing and ridiculous and rage-inducing gun-related precincts of the American id. Just this week yr Wonkette brought you these shit-covered piles [...]
Gun News Roundup: Wayne LaPierre Is A Vile Sack of Garbage, Plus Some Things You Might Have Not Already Known
Greetings, representatives of the People’s Glorious Wonkitburo! We thought we would start this edition of Our Cold Dead Hands with a gun-related tale that could have had terrible and tragic consequences for world diplomacy, but because no one was hit with any shotgun pellets, turned out to be amusing in a “Holy flurking shnit” sort [...]
The Week in Guns: Please Proceed With Your Mansplaining, Jerks
What a week for gun news to wrap our cold dead hands around. We have already told you about the dust-up in the Senate Judiciary Committee when Canadian anchor baby Ted Cruz (R-Pew! Pew!) mansplained the Constitution to Dianne Feinstein and DiFi told him to STFU and DIAF. Readers who know something about DiFi’s history [...]
You Can Pry The Smith & Wesson From Lady’s Cold Dead Hoo-Haw, And Other Notable Gun News
Oh hai! Welcome to this edition of Our Cold Dead Hands, Wonkette’s weekly look at the state of the gun debate in America, where evil liberals bent on controlling every aspect of your lives continue their efforts to disarm the brave patriots who are the only line of defense between you and the FEMA death [...]
Your Gun Fun Times Roundup: What Politicians Are We Threatening To Murder With Guns Today?
Good day, Wonketeers, and welcome to a new feature here on your favorite mommy blog: Our Cold Dead Hands, a roundup of important gun-related news and events. As you may have heard if you have not been in a coma in a cave on a distant planet, guns and gun violence have recently become a [...]
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