Wonkette

WALNUTS 2: NUT HARDER starring John “Walnuts!” McCain, produced by SalvatoreDIntern and starring Julia Kobos. And your beloved original from 2006 is here.

John McCain pissed off about a million Republican businessmen (and especially George Will) when he angrily pretended to fire Securities & Exchange Commission chairman Christopher Cox. Then the maverick idiot announced he wanted New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo — a famous Democrat who was even married to a Kennedy, once — to take over the SEC. Obviously, Cuomo directly caused the entire American economic collapse: “Andrew Cuomo, the youngest Housing and Urban Development secretary in history, made a series of decisions between 1997 and 2001 that gave birth to the country’s current crisis.” [Village Voice]

HA HA HA, here is WALNUTS! making some probably poor & homeless mother’s annual trip to the grocery store a catastrophic failure. He waddles towards the applesauce and gets her a brand that she doesn’t even want. And then he makes all the applesauce in every grocery store on earth crash onto the floor. MORE »

Everyone knows that John McCain hates his wife and calls her a “cunt” almost all the time. Everyone also knows that John McCain is a famous comedian, which is why his best friend is Jon Stewart, from television. And that’s why he made a “wisecrack” yesterday about beating up his wife in Las Vegas. Ha ha, because if he actually did beat up his wife, his chances of becoming president would be limited! MORE »

Why can’t John McCain’s campaign spell “Barack”? Why has this been sitting on the McCain website’s front page for a million hours? At least they didn’t call him “Osama,” this time. [November Blog]